When I got back to Lucas, I was drinkless and ready to go. That was about all the peopling I could stand, so I grabbed my jacket off the empty stool and shrugged it on, trying to ignore the way my little brother was staring at me.
“Change your mind about that drink?”
I sighed. “You’re right. Driving. Better if I just head home.”
Luke frowned at me. He wasn’t buying it.
“Do you like Landon?” he asked, eyes alight as he leaned in and lowered his voice.
I shrugged. “He seems nice.”
“Yeah, but you went over there.”
I stared blankly at him. “Am I not allowed to talk to him?”
“No, but—” Lucas waved at the guy, as if he were actually saying something.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “But this is middle school? Me going over there to talk to him means—what, I have a schoolyard crush?”
Lucas huffed. “No, but do you like him?”
I scowled, hollowing my cheeks between my teeth. My molars dug in.
Lucas was too damn excited about this, and Landon was too?—
Well, I wasn’t exactly sure. He didn’t seem interested in me, really, despite the way he’d stared, and wasn’t that cause enough to leave him be?
“He seems great.” I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket. “Good taste in music. That’s all. He should join our team next week. If he wants to.”
Lucas grinned like I’d just presented him with a three-tier cake and told him that we were going to start celebrating his birthday every day now because he was just that damned special. “He’ll want to.”
“Sure, Luke. I’ll text you.” I clapped him on the shoulder and made my exit. My stomach was fluttering before I made it to my bike. Whatwasthat?
Just Lucas making me uneasy, probably. He was too excited about this—the prospect of nothing.
Thing was, I hadn’t dated anybody since... since Henry.
I didn’t know why.
It wasn’t like I genuinely thought Henry would’ve wanted me to spend the rest of my life sulking and alone.
He hadn’t been like that. He’d been quick, clever, caring. At first, I’d thought he was an alien or something. I couldn’t hideanything from him, so much so that, initially I hadn’t believed he was human, plain and simple. Turned out, he was just...
He’d had a big heart, my Henry.
We’d started Lucky Black Cat together, playing out of his parents’ garage in high school. We’d had big plans, and then he’d gotten sick. Life had gone on for all four of us, until Henry’s stopped, and mine alongside.
We were just a couple months shy of three years without him now, and as Riley and Craig drifted toward other things—their families, their careers, their own dreams—I was starting to believe that, without him, I didn’t have what it took.
We’d started this top spinning together, and it was going to fall on my watch.
That was why it sucked to have this creative block. Sure, Henry’s lyrics had always been better than mine. He could twist a word around until it pulsed in the air and meant everything as it danced over our chords. But I hadn’t been that bad—I hadn’t been fucking useless like I was now.
Even that wouldn’t have bothered Henry. He’d have told me it was fine, that I needed to go out, live life, and the lyrics would come to me.
I couldn’t.
I owed him a—well, a fucking lot. But at the very least, I owed him a song. If I could finish it, maybe then I’d feel like living life, or whatever.
