He shook his head as that flutter turned into warmth flooding his insides, threatening to drown him. “Do not make promises you won’t keep.”
Do not care about me.
Finnian reached out and grasped his hand. The chill of his rings startled Cassian’s skin as he rearranged the hold to a shaking-hand position. “I vow on my title that I will not go back on my word.”
Cassian’s mouth went dry to the sensation of Finnian’s skin, soft, like the velvet of a rose petal.
His eyes dropped to their joined hands, studying the tendons and veins along the back of Finnian’s, over his knuckles and the various titanium rings on his fingers.
His delicate hold eroded Cassian’s apprehensions. Within it was a preservation that his promise would uphold.
“Okay,” Cassian murmured, bringing his eyes back up to Finnian’s. “I will retract my list of souls from Malik. So long as you keep your vow.”
“I apologize.” Finnian brushed his thumb over Cassian’s knuckles. “For stealing your souls.”
His touch spread gooseflesh up Cassian’s wrist. “I appreciate the repentance, Little Nightmare.”
Better off as enemies.
Don’t do this to him—to yourself.
Let go of his hand.
The command from his brain moved through his synapses but dissolved somewhere along the way. All sense of rationality and the harrowing reality of what awaited him seemed distant. So far away, he felt untouchable.
Tethered to Finnian, he finally felt grounded, like he’d been drifting for some time and failed to notice. It was just as it had been the night they sat along the stream in Augustus, talking, smiling, enjoying each other’s company. He did not care, so long as Finnian was nearby.
“Finny,” Finnian said with a playful note in his tone. “If you must call me by a nickname, I would prefer it to be that, rather thanLittle Nightmare.”
Cassian smiled, a quiver rolling down in his chest. “Very well,Finny.” He tested the name out on his tongue. The syllables balanced well and came out smooth. It felt personal and well-acquainted.
At the sound of it, Finnian’s thumb ceased its movement along the back of Cassian’s hand. Tingles danced up his tendons like currents of electric light. Finnian’s gaze intensified around him.
He cleared his throat and lightly pulled his hand away, retreating it to the safety of his pocket, and shifted his stance, positioning himself sideways in the direction of the door—as if he planned on walking out rather than teleporting away. “I must go back. The war has brought in countless souls.”
“Of course.” Finnian crossed his arms, his eyes dark and holding onto Cassian’s with growing fervor.
A wave of heat blew through his bloodstream and he tugged on the cravat tied around his neck.
Turning his head, he switched his attention back to the glowing specks floating around them.
It betrayed the foundation of which he stood on the past five years.
Each time that he yearned to seek Finnian out for no other reason than to seehim, he’d withheld by reminding himself of Ruelle and all the ways she could hold him over Cassian’s head. All the ways she could harm him.
The potential of Finnian’s pain had always been greater than Cassian’s own desire.
However, standing there now with Finnian, with the fireflies and his vow and apology, Cassian was not strong enough to walk away into that imaginary desert he’d trekked through for the last five years.
Without looking at Finnian, he asked, “When can I return to see you again?”
It was reckless and irresponsible. Stupid. So utterly stupid. But he didn’t care.
A moment of silence passed, prompting Cassian to give in and look at him.
The magical fireflies drifted like fuzzy, golden stars around him. Their gleam illuminated the twinkle in Finnian’s eyes and reflected off the whites of his teeth, displaying a hypnotizing smile.
“Whenever you wish.”
