The realization shattered in his chest.
No, no, no, no, no.
The shadowy leeches clinging to his limbs dissolved. Along with them, the suffocating abyss of night lifted. Beyond its cloak, the Land blossomed in radiant hues of plum and tangerine. A brightness that felt inherently wrong.
Numbness spread in Finnian’s limbs, as if his body had disconnected from his head.
Cassian and Acacius came into view across the grove. Their furious shouts muddled against the shrieking in Finnian’s head.
This can’t be happening.
Marina fell to her knees before Father. The syringe rolled across the ground. “I-I didn’t mean—I—you were—” she cried, her entire body quaking in tremors.
Father bent over and cupped her tear-stricken face. “My darling, I forgive you.”
A gut-wrenching sound tore from her, and she grabbed his hand, clinging onto him. “Please don’t leave me. Please stay. You mustn’t leave me yet.Please.”
The static in Finnian’s mind shook his vision. A quiver that would not silence. The sensation jittered and trembled like ice in his veins.
How could I ever love a son like you?
Father tenderly pried Marina’s wet fingers from his hand. He flipped his palm up and a white, bowl-shaped flower unfurled in his grasp. Delicately, he tucked the magnolia blossom behind her ear.
She threw a hand over her mouth and folded in on herself, wailing.
You ruin everyone.
He kissed the top of her hair before turning around.
Streams of blood oozed from the corners of his eyes, down the crevices of his mouth, that were somehow pulled up in a content smile. The sunrise climbing over the peaks of Moros feathered around him, the finest brush strokes encasing him like a heavenly casket.
You failed.
“My boy.” Father curled his hand around Finnian’s nape and pulled him to his forehead.
The glitching voice in his brain stilled, granting reprieve, and his posture crumbled into Father’s embrace. The walls of his chest caved. His mouth opened and closed. He had so much to say, so much he’dlongedto say. Centuries of reciting the perfect words.
I am sorry for breaking my promise.
I am sorry for not seeing you sooner.
What have I done?
Forgive me, Father.
He’d spent years in the Land, dismissing Cassian each time he suggested visiting. All to avoid facing the disappointment he assumed Father would have in him, believing it would be too grave to handle. Time he could’ve spent making amends. Now it was all lost.Gone.
“You’ve done well,” Father said.
The words fractured in Finnian’s heart.
He tangled his fingers in the front of Father’s robe, his shoulders shaking from the sob stuck in his chest. “I am sorry. I am so sorry. I never meant—I wanted to come see you—I-I just—my promise?—”
“I know.” Father’s weight gradually slackened against Finnian’s forehead.
Finnian recalled this: his back wedged in the sand, hundreds of bull sharks swarming the sky, the sunlight warming his cheeks as he peeked over at Father, who laid on his back with his hands perched under his head, eyes closed. A smile tugged on his lips, as if he could sense Finnian staring.
Finnian wanted to go back to that moment and lay on that cove with him again in comfortable silence. He wouldn’t have taken it for granted like he had then.
