Cold, spiteful, and regarding Cassian with an unfiltered disdain.
It will never end.
Cassian rubbed at his chest.
This is my hell.
His heart palpitated, the chambers and muscles of the organ constricting in sorrowful beats.
He knew it. Their plan was shit. Everything he’d endured up to this moment had been for nothing. Forget Ruelle and his desire to kill her. What good would her death be if he didn’t have a life with Finnian to look forward to afterwards?
Cassian fell to his knees. The blade in his grasp clanked against the floor. His hands trembled as he lifted them to Finnian’s sleeping face. Tears stung his eyes.
“I need you.” His lips quivered. “Please. I can’t go on without you any longer.”
Cassian bound their foreheads, praying to whatever god that would listen. “Come back to me.”
26
DROWNING
Cassian toppedhis glass off with bourbon. The muscles in his arms flexed before he downed it in a single gulp. The fiery liquid enhanced the emotion thrumming throughout his system.
He will never remember me.
We will never get back what we had.
Why did I agree to do it?
I should have never let him drink the potion.
We could’ve figured out another way.
He would be forever forced to meet the look of resentment on Finnian’s face. All because of their altered memories in Finnian’s mind that Cassian knew nothing of.
He would’ve painted me as a monster.
No hesitation, he’d said.
Cassian’s chest caved. He inhaled, but it felt impossible to fill his lungs.
His grip tightened around the glass, and he squeezed, shattering the drinkware. Broken shards sliced the skin of his palm, the insides of his fingers.
It was supposed to end. Finnian’s memories were supposed to return. Cassian hadn’t thought about what he would do if theyfailed to come back. The thought had been too devastating to consider.
How could I be so naïve?
Because it would have drowned you.
He shouted and grabbed the bottle of bourbon and sent it flying across the room. It crashed into the wall. Liquor and broken glass made an amber mess on the floor.
He grabbed another bottle and slung it as well. And another, screaming, spit flying out of his mouth. Memories of the past burned behind his eyes—flickers of Finnian’s smile, the dimples in his cheeks, the tender recognition in his gaze as it fell onto Cassian.
His fists came down on the bar cart, breath heavy, pieces of hair falling into his eyes.
“I must say, it pleases me to see you so distraught.”
Cassian’s spine stiffened at the alluring melody of her voice.
