His body shook, and he squeezed his nape harder. “I do not wish to do this, Finnian! You will go on without a remembrance of me, while I” — he slapped a hand over his chest — “will be forced to carry on my days with our memories without you.I will not make it…” A sob scraped up his throat.
Finnian threw his arms around Cassian’s neck, and their chests collided.
Cassian clung to him with broken wishes and no gods to pray to, crying into his partner’s skin.
They could beat Fate. Their love was strong enough to hold on. They didn’t need to do this. A century apart felt like a life sentence. Cassian couldn’t do it—stand from afar and watch Finnian live a life he wasn’t a part of, to face him and receive nothing but contempt.
“Youcando this,” Finnian whispered, caressing the back of his head.“I promise you,whenwe come out of this, our Fate will beours. Untouched.”
“I am not strong enough to face you when you despise me. Even if it is only temporary.”
“You have before.”
“Not after knowing what it is like to love you.”
Finnian pulled back and dipped his chin, connecting their lips.
He tasted of licorice and salt, of coffee and early mornings with the sun dawning the city buildings. Notes of burning sage wafted from his hair. The remnants of crushed hyacinths lingered on the pads of his fingers. Cassian held onto it all. The soft, plush touch of his lips, and how Finnian kissed him fiercely, with passion.
One day.
He held the sides of Finnian’s face, crushing their lips together—prolonging the inevitable.
Something coiled underneath his arms. His heartbeat flickered in his throat as he looked down at the vines constricting around his arms and legs. It forced them apart and anchored Cassian backwards.
“No, not yet!” His pulse felt as if it had stopped. Tendrils of his divine power snaked out and cut away at the vines.
They grew back tenfold, sprouting thorns and protruding Cassian’s skin. He could feel the venom injected into his bloodstream as the muscles in his limbs went slack.
“You must leave.” Finnian popped the cork from the potion. “I cannot see you here.”
Cassian refused to give in. He fought against the vines. His hair slung in his eyes, sticking to his damp cheeks.
Crimson, glittering smoke rose from Finnian’s feet and slowly drifted up, encasing around Cassian. He could feel the charge of power, the blood-red abyss climbing over him and preparing to cast him into another scene. Panic lit his chest and dropped into his stomach.
His teeth gnashed as he pried an arm free from the strangling vines around him. “No, Finny! Wait?—”
“I loathe you,” Finnian gave him a final smile, his eyes pooling with tears.
“Finnian!” Cassian bellowed.
He lifted the vial to his lips and threw back his head.
The world heaved and swallowed Cassian into darkness.
And I long for you.
The words cameto Cassian then. If he had one more chance to explain it to Finnian, he would.
Death was love, and love was death again.
25
TEARS OF HIGH GOD
Cassian stoodoutside the city limits, face-to-face with its familiar outskirts, his presence concealed in a black cloak. Woodland creatures scurried across the ground cover. Crickets and cicadas sang. The sounds had once brought him peace, but they now scraped at his ears.
He pulled at his hood as he peered through the night, as far through the thicket of trees as he could see. Just beyond it, out of reach.
