Do not ask.
“Isla, Naia…” Cassian listed off, internally cringing at himself. He joined his hands on the surface of the table, resting his weight on his elbows.
“Eleanor and Isla are close friends. They help me more than I help them now. Did you know they created a city council and organizations to perform various other duties? Because of this, I am able to deal with more pressing matters—like the two mages who attacked each other this morning and destroyed a building in the business district. Apparently, their family history is riddled with feuds and violence.” He rolled his eyes.
Cassian’s grin broadened, amused by Finnian’s complaining. “Sounds like an eventful morning.”
Not lovers then.The relief unclenched the ball in his chest.
Finnian grew quiet. He rested his forearm on the table, his fingers flexing and flickering tendons across the back of his hand. “You never asked me why I decided to create a city.”
“You were teaching Eleanor and Isla how to use a sigil.” Cassian glanced at Finnian’s rings, secretly measuring the infinitesimal gap between their hands.
“Do you recall every little thing I say?”
“Of course.”
The hushed hiss of the fire and the quiet boil of the water filled the silence.
Finnian’s eyes cast downwards as he drew circles on the surface of the table with his finger. “Ask me why.”
Cassian moved his full attention from the ring on Finnian’s index finger to his face. Something about his bashful tone and the way he was no longer looking at Cassian piqued a grave interest in him. “Why?”
“The day Naia leaves Kaimana, I want her to have a home to go to. Shacks and graveyards were places she told menotto settle down in.”
“I believe a house would have sufficed if you didn’t want to go through the hassle of running a city.”
“Primarily, I created it as a boundary for myself.” Finnian’s circles widened closer to Cassian’s hand. A subtle brush to his knuckles, leaving tingles where he touched. “After I learned of the deal you had struck with Mira, I desired to compromise.”
Cassian’s heart struck the walls inside of his chest and his lips parted, baffled by what he’d just said.
Finnian lifted his gaze onto Cassian then. The discomfort was easy to read in the slight flush creeping across his cheeks.
He was being vulnerable, truthful, sharing his feelings. It was an openness Cassian couldn’t quite wrap his mind around. He’d dreamed of peeling Finnian’s layers back to behold what was inside—something unfathomable, given their rocky relationship.
Cassian wanted to reciprocate in some meaningful way, express to Finnian how grateful he was, knowing the levels of unease it probably made him feel to share. And yet, all Cassian could think was how utterly reckless it was, how much Finnian had gone through for his sake.A city.The idea was astonishing, and beautiful proof that Cassian did not stand alone in his feelings.
The capacities of his actions were limitless when it came to Finnian, and it appeared Finnian, too, felt the same.
The sound of boiling water grew louder.
Cassian studied the somberness across Finnian’s features, conflicting feelings warring in his tight chest, a paralyzing panic he did not expect to feel.
Suddenly, his limbs felt jittery.
He removed his arms from the table and raked a hand through his hair. “Why? To appease your guilt for the length I’d gone through not to curse you?” It wasn’t meant to come out accusatory, but a genuine question. One Cassian hoped the outcome would be a disappointing truth—that Finnian did not care for him, but instead he simply had a wish to make things right.
“The same reason you came to see me.” Finnian’s tone was rational, his expression stoic, so absolute and sure of his feelings. It immediately enhanced the fright in Cassian.
Finnian sat up in his chair and leaned over to grab Cassian’s hand.
His skin warmed, ensnared by Finnian’s touch. The threads of his self-control threatened to snap against the sensation.
It was validation. The only kind he needed to snatch the edge of Finnian’s chair and yank him closer. To bring their mouths together and taste him, swallow his words. But before he could do so, Ruelle’s face flashed in the front of his mind, freezing the warmth coasting his veins.
Whoever yearns in your soul will be just in reach, but never able to fully grasp.
His heart stuttered, and he abruptly ripped his hand from Finnian and stood.
