“Ah, nephew,” my uncle said, trying to pull me into an embrace. I stepped back, not wanting comfort or kindness. He sighed and then said, “Ye must quit punishing yerself. She did nae ever recover from losing the bairn, and she was sad all the time after. Weeping for yer lost babe. Moaning about him. She—”
“George,” I said, the word dragged from somewhere dark within me. In the two years since Isabella had died, I’d not once uttered our dead bairn’s name.
“Aye,” Uncle Gordon said. “She lost her senses after he died. She wanted so much to give ye an heir—”
“Quit talking,” I demanded, fists clenched and my right eye twitching furiously. I knew he was trying to help, but he wasn’t. Nothing did.
“I wish I could, Munro, I see the pain my words cause ye, but the clan is falling to ruin, and yer children, well, I think mayhap James was right that they should be here, nae sent away somewhere so ye do nae have to look at them.”
Something snapped within me, and I grabbed my uncle by the tunic and jerked him toward me until we were nose to nose. “I am nae good for them,” I bit out.
He nodded. “Ye’re right, ye’re nae. So become the da they need. The laird the clan needs. Quit drinking to oblivion and chasing the lasses. Give the children a new mama.”
He spouted the list almost automatically, but there was no conviction in his voice that I could do these things. Still, my honorable uncle said them to me in a futile hope I might do them. Laughing bitterly, I shoved him back. “I will nae ever wed again.” A small truth clawed at me, demanding to see light. I pounded myself on the chest, trying to beat it back, but my lips parted, and I said, “Isabella did nae want anymore bairns.”
“I ken,” Uncle Gordon said.
“What the devil do ye mean ye ken?” Isabella had told me in private, and I’d not shared the news with anyone but James, and we had been alone in my solar the day I told him.
Uncle Gordon shifted before answering. “I mean, I assumed she was afraid, given how long it was before she got with child again after Bess.”
“Ah,” I said. “That makes sense.” Did it? My mind was too cloudy to decide. I cleared my throat, which suddenly felt dry. “She was fearful, as ye just said. After the hardship of birthing Bess, ye can imagine any woman would be fearful, but I—” I smacked myself in the chest, welcoming the sting. Pain overrode guilt and memories. “I convinced her to join with me again. And then when she got with child, I left her to birth him alone while I rode off on clan business.” Every part of my body throbbed with the guilt rushing through me.
“I understand yer—”
“Ye do nae understand a thing,” I said, grinding my teeth and the words. “I want the children to return to Clan Gunn this day. James can accompany them.”
I swung away from my uncle and stalked to the great hall, not stopping even to push the heavy wood doors open. I shoved them as I strode through, and they smacked satisfactorily against the stone as I entered.
I ignored my clansmen who scrambled to their feet, bowing in respect and calling greetings. They rushed to make a path for me as I strode to the dais where James sat in the seat by mine. His right eye was swollen shut, and his lips pressed in a hard line. “Ye,” I said, pointing at him, “have overstepped the bounds of our friendship. Ye will obey me as laird and return my children to Clan Gunn today.”
“I’ve been telling ye for ages that he does nae respect ye as laird,” Aunt Magdalene said.
I glanced at my aunt, who sat beside James. Her mouth was turned down in its usual frown of disapproval. I’d dismissed her whispered words of encouragement to find a new right hand because I knew she’d never liked James, though I didn’t know why, but in this moment, I was inclined to demote him. I inhaled a deep breath, searching for patience, which I could rarely find anymore. The smell of damp wool, old smoke, and stale ale filled my nose.
“That’s a lie,” James said, his words calm and even. “I respect Munro more than any man I ken, but I will nae return the lasses.” He stared at me not with defiance now but regret. “Leave us,” James called out to the men, who obeyed him immediately and scattered out the door. When the great hall fell silent, James descended the steps to stand before me. “There are whispers, Munro,” James said.
“What whispers?” I asked, though I knew.
“The men and lasses fret over how long our clan will endure with a laird who does nae seem to any longer care for our fate, his, or his children.”
“So ye brought the lasses back to use them?” I demanded, nostrils flaring.
“Somewhere in yer wine and grief-soaked mind, ye ken that’s a lie,” James said slowly. “I brought the lasses back to save ye. Ye need to feel again.”
I slammed my hand against the dais, making the wine goblets that sat upon it rattle. “I command ye to return them to Gunn Stronghold.”
Resolve settled on his face. “I will nae,” he said, shaking his head.
“Ye defy yer laird!” my aunt exclaimed. “That’s punishable by death.”
James’s lip twisted into a mocking smile. “I imagine ye hope verra much to rid yerself of me, so there’s nae anyone else to look out for Munro truly.”
“How dare ye!” my aunt shrieked.
“Enough!” I bellowed at the same time as my uncle.
“Ye will return the lasses as yer laird commands, or ye will go to the dungeon for insubordination,” Uncle Gordon said.
