Steve plopped down on the concrete curb. “I wanted to apologize.”
“For what? Being a deadbeat dad or lying to me about what show I was on?”
“Both.” He rubbed his hand down his face. “Why don’t we start with the show.”
She toed at the ground. “I don’t get it. Why come back into my life under the guise of a prank? Why lie? You had to know that I’d find out, and when I did, I’d hate you even more.”
“I guess, selfishly, I wanted to be a part of something monumental in your life again.”
“Try high school graduation or, I don’t know, my eighteenth birthday.”
“I was there.” It was said with so much sincerity she had to look at him to see his truth. He was telling it, and she didn’t know how that made her feel. “Your birthdays, first day of school, graduation, prom. I was just in the shadows.”
Her throat closed painfully. “Then why not let me know?Because that’s not really being there; that the coward’s way of showing up.”
“Coward is too nice a word for what I did,” he said solemnly. “After I left, you were crushed, and by the time I realized I’d made a mistake it was too late.”
“It never would have been too late.”
“Your mom had said it would be too hard on you. That the damage I’d done was irreversible. I promised to stay away if she’d send me updates on your life. Send photos, videos, school essays. I treasured every one of them.”
“How about when Mom died? I needed you.” At the last few words her voice cracked, and it felt as if she were reopening the wound that only losing a parent could leave behind. And she’d lost two.
“I went to the funeral and stayed in the shadows. I considered approaching you, but I didn’t want to add to your grief. And to be honest, I was drinking a lot back then. I was unemployed, my life was a mess. I didn’t want to bring that into your world. And I’d made a promise to your mom. The least I could do was honor that after what I’d put her through.”
“But I was yours! You could have fought for me. She wasn’t my only parent!”
Steve went deathly still, so silent that she could hear her own heart beat. And suddenly all the arguments she’d overheard came rushing back. Her mom had begged and pleaded for him to stay, for him to work through things, but she’d never actually denied having an affair.
Oh God.
“You aren’t my dad.”
“In all the ways that mattered I was,” Steve said. “But when I discovered I was infertile I knew that the rumors were true. I was so gutted and confused that I didn’t know what to do. So I took the coward’s way and left. I only intended for it to be a fewdays, but days turned into weeks and the drinking became so bad I wasn’t any good for anyone, especially you.”
It was like an arrow pierced her chest, landing a bull’s-eye right in her heart.
“Why would she lie? I understand not wanting to admit to an affair. But after you left, why did she lie to me?” Poppy’s eyes welled up. “For years. This whole time.”
“Don’t blame your mom. I am to blame for the majority of what went down.”
“She cheated. How can you be to blame?”
“Back then we didn’t know a lot about depression like we do now. I wish I had been more supportive, more informed, more understanding.” Steve sighed. “But I just focused on work, climbing the ladder, so busy blaming your mom for being checked out that I missed all the signs. I was livid when I found out, but it was my ego that eventually guided the next few years of my life. Looking back, I’m not surprised she sought comfort somewhere else.”
“Does Opal know the truth?” Because if she did, Poppy’s entire life would have been based on a lie that destroyed a part of her.
“No. I never told a soul.”
“But I don’t understand. If you wanted to talk to me, clear the air, why do it through some half-baked scheme to force two people together?”
“I’d thought about calling you so many times. Dialed your number so many times I’ve lost track. But I’d always question my worth. Why should I barge into your life after you’ve created such a beautiful one?”
“Yet you’re here now,” she spat, because how could he have done this to her?
“I am. And if you never want to see me again, I’ll understand. But I hope this can be a first step. Not toward being yourdad again. Lord knows I don’t deserve that. But in being a friend. Or whatever part you’ll let me play in your life.”
“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “This is a lot to take in on a day that is already jam-packed with raw emotions and disappointment.” She turned to face him, her rage suddenly bubbling up. “How could you do this to me after today? What kind of dad does that?”
