He wiped down the espresso machine. “I think she’s teaching yoga in Bali.”
“Nice.”
The sound of Muse’sExo Politicsfilled the silence that fell between them. Tyler was accustomed to this from the people he used to hang out with, the unspoken questions:Are you and Falcon still together? Is she in the picture? Why are YOU the one with the kid?
There had been moments in those first few months when Tyler had been belligerent with anger, so overwhelmed and lonely he’d struggled to keep his crying silent as Rowan, his beautiful, healthy,perfectson had slept curled up on his chest. But with every passing day, Tyler came to appreciate the courage Falcon had shown in that moment. She’d been honest. She hadn’t been ready.
He’d rather parent alone than with someone who didn’t want to show up for a kid.
“We had some good times, yeah?” Corey smiled at him, easy and unburdened.
Tyler remembered. It all felt like a fever dream, so distant from the reality he currently inhabited. He could barely believe that he used to be the guy who had recited poetry in a cramped tent, Corey fucking him while their friend Natasha had been on her knees with her lips wrapped around Tyler’s cock. There had been others there, a whole group of them who’d lived a glorious life full of music and fucking and drugs and philosophical discussions they’d all believed would change the world.
It was how his life had been, back then.
He’d called them his family, back then.
When he came back to Madison, he’d hoped to find that same family waiting for him. But somewhere along the way, he’d changed. He didn’t fit anymore, not the way he used to.
Turned out they’d been his family for as long as he was the slutty,always up for whateverguy. There had always been room forthatversion of Tyler. But Tyler the dad? The one who needed someone to play with Rowan just long enough for him to take a shower?
There hadn’t been a place for that version of him.
Maybe it had been naive of him to hope that everything would be the same after four years away. As his mom always said:Don’t waste time waiting for people to be someone they are not.And his college friends? They were exactly who they’d always been: a gaggle of free-spirited people who chose to live the way they wanted to. Who had no interest in things like settling down or having children.
Corey was still looking at him with an easy-going smile, waiting for Tyler’s response like he had nothing but time. “Things have changed,” Tyler finally replied, not sure what else to say.
“Well maybe you can come out some time? DNGR is playing in Tim’s garage on Saturday.”
“Maybe.” There was no way in hell he was going to go.
Corey wandered back to sit with a group of people Tyler vaguely recognized. When his pocket vibrated, he put down the jug of milk he was holding, scrambling for his phone. He didn’t care what his boss said–Tyler had to check. He had to know that Rowan was okay.
Annabeth
Is it cool if Rowan watches 28 Days Later?
Tyler
No?!!!! Please don’t let him watch that.
Really?
Really.
He looked up at the clock.Noon. Only an hour left, and then he could go home.
The stairs creaked beneath Tyler’s feet. He moved slowly, exhaustion weighing down his limbs. It was after midnight–Rowan had woken up crying, and it had taken a minute to put him back down.
It had been a good afternoon. Cyrus and Davey, two of the guys who lived with them, had come home with a huge haul of random clothes from the thrift store where they worked, and had helped Rowan build a snowman in the front yard. They’d put some hideous orange and green sports jersey on it, and had even found a carrot for a nose.
It was sweet, really. His friends were great. They were all fun and creative people who lived their lives to the fullest.
And yet, it was painfully clear that they were at different places in life than Tyler. None of them had children, and while Samira on the third floor was in grad school and had a regular schedule, most of the others had jobs with unconventional hours.
They didn’t have to worry about consistent meal times or going to bed on time. They weren’t used to worrying about sharp objects on the table or laptops on the couch.
He didn’t begrudge them living their lives. It wasn’t fair of him to ask them to change for him and Rowan.
