“I haven’t dated anyone since Rowan.” The admission was soft, almost inaudible over the muffled sounds of children playing around them. Tyler looked up, like there was something in the air above them that was helping him make sense of his thoughts. “But sometimes I dream about it. About having something in my life to remind me there’s more to me than just being a parent.” He shook his head sharply. “And see, even justsayingthat out loud makes me feel so nauseatingly guilty. I’m not supposed to need more than this.” He gestured around himself. “Being a dad, having a healthy, happy kid, and making enough to support our life. That’s supposed to be enough, but sometimes I’m so lonely. Sometimes it feels like I don’t exist. Maybe it’s selfish, but I miss flirting and secret smiles and real, human intimacy.”
Jamie stayed quiet, hanging onto every word.
Tyler exhaled, finally locking eyes with Jamie. “I can’t think about myself yet. Not until we’re really settled in here.” There was a shadow of worry that crossed his face. “Because right now, if I think about letting someone into our life, and all of the things that could go wrong? It’s one thing for me to get hurt, but what about Rowan? What if he got his hopes up and then they didn’t stick around? I can’t silence the voice in my head that tells me I’d be a shitty dad if I set him up for that kind of hurt.”
Jamie thought he saw a flash of moisture in the corner of Tyler’s eyes before he ducked his head. He was hit with the desire to pull Tyler into his lap, to wrap him up in his arms and tell him he wasn’t alone. To offer him whatever comfort as he could. “I think you’re an amazing dad,” was what he said instead.
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not.” Jamie had seen countless teammates interact with their kids over the years. He admired many of them as fathers. Others, however, who were dismissive or harsh with their partners and children, he'd barely been able to watch around their families. “You remind me a lot of Mitch. He shows up for his kids with his whole heart. He loves them loudly, without holding back, and he puts their needs first whenever he can.”
But Mitch had Layla. He had a teammate.
Tyler? He had his mom and Dotty in his corner now. They were helping some with Rowan. But was anyone taking care of Tyler?
Tyler crawled over to the entrance, peeking his head out of the hollowed tree. Jamie couldn’t avert his eyes from the curve of Tyler’s ass, the jeans stretched taut. Jamie’s eyes snapped away when Tyler retreated, returning to his seat, an unguarded, beautiful smile curving his mouth.
“He okay?” Jamie asked.
“He’s singing to the veggies, happy as can be.”
The carefully neutral expression Jamie had come to expect from his face had slipped, leaving a playful, almostdevioussmirkin its place. The quirk of his lips was the kind of lazy smile you’d expect from someone confident, who knew just how hot they were. Like hekneweveryone in the room wanted him.
Thiswas Tyler. It was obvious, then, just how guarded he’d been up until that point. How little of himself he’d let slip through the cracks.
Jamie wanted more of this version of the man who’d accidentally stumbled into his life. He wanted all of him.
CHAPTER 10
TYLER
TOY VEGETABLES
Tyler didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do with the hockey player sitting on the floor in front of him. He’d come all the way to the children’s museum, he’d played with Rowan, and he’d apologized, even though Tyler was pretty surehewas the one who owed Jamie an apology for the unanswered messages.
Then he’d looked Tyler in the eye and said:I’d stick around.
Seriously, who the fuck was this guy?
It was too much. Tyler wasn’t ready for a man like Jamie to say things like that to him. But still, there was something about him that had Tyler opening his mouth, had him admitting the gripping fear that he was failing as a father if he considered bringing a partner into their life.
And Jamie? This stranger–although he couldn’t even claim that anymore–had, with all the confidence and certainty in the world, assured Tyler that he was a good dad.
Tyler wanted to be the kind of parent who didn’t need anyone to tell him that. He aspired to be confident in himself, to be certain he was doing the right things for Rowan. But still, hearing it said out loud meant something.
Actually, it meanteverything.
Across from him, Jamie bent one of his long legs, shifting hisweight. Tyler tried not to stare at those thighs, at the body so different from his own he wondered if they were actually the same species.
Tyler wanted to know more about him. The curiosity gnawed at his throat, wanting to catalogue and document all the pieces of Jamie, to understand how he was built, the things that sustained him. Even though Jamie wasn’t for him,couldn’tbe, maybe Tyler could enjoy their time together. Maybe, for a little while, he could just be a man in the company of another man.
“If you had a day,” Tyler began. “One that was all yours, what would you do?”
Jamie frowned. “At this time of year?”
“Yeah.”
Jamie slumped back, his heavy brow furrowed. “If it was cold enough and the ice was good, I’d get my ice fishing hut set up out on the lake. I’d grab a six pack of Spotted Cow, pick up a burger and cheese curds from Culver’s, put on some Brandi Carlisle, and fish. Not sure if I’ll be able to manage to get it set up with this,” he paused, waving his splinted hand, “but it’s my favorite way to unwind in the winter.”
