“So,” he says, stopping, and I realize we’ve reached my car. “How are you feeling?”
“Well, I’ve stopped crying.” I grin wryly at him. I’m sure the evidence of my emotional outburst is still written all over my face in the form of puffy eyes and a red nose. “I think that means I’m feeling better.”
“That’s good. I meant about everything else, though. Having pups for me. You know this means everything to me, but—”
“I know,” I break in. I can see it in Ian’s noble, wolfy face that he’s like me. That his kids will be his world. The last thing I want to do is stand in his way. “I know. You deserve a family, too.”
“No,” he says sharply. He drops my hand, and I curl my fingers around the cool emptiness he leaves behind. “That’s not where I was going with it. I appreciate your…compassion for my situation. But you don’t owe me anything, Julia. And if it will hurt you to do this, I don’t want you to do it.”
My breath rushes out. I narrow my eyes at him and cross my arms. “Are youtryingto make me cry, Ian Lyall? Is that why I’m always in tears around you?”
His head tips back as he laughs, and his tail wags. I love how he laughs with his whole body, from the tips of his ears to the end of his tail. It’s fascinating to see emotions through his body language. So different than human. “My goal is to prevent as many of your tears as possible, actually.”
Gosh, he’s sweet, if a little misguided. “Well, with age comes wisdom, and the thing I’ve learned in my extra ten years of life is that anything worth doing hurts…and love hurts the worst. Because guess what? You always lose it. Doesn’t matter how hard you love something, you don’t get to keep it. Your babies grow up. Your parents pass away. Friends come and go. Closest you get to keeping something you love is dying yourself. But what would life be if we didn’t have those things, those people? So I can’t promise you that having your pups won’t hurt me, but I can promise you that it’s worth doing anyway.”
Ian presses his fist to his snout, cursing softly into it. Then he drops his hand. “I’m going to kiss you, Julia,” he says frankly, and pulls me into his arms.
Before I know it, his mouth is on mine, canine and unfamiliar. Huckleberries and heat. I lick it up, hungry for both.
My mind stutters when I realize what I’m doing. I’m kissing a man. Awolfman. And I’m married. So what if I can’t remember the last time Richard kissed me? I can’t go around kissing random people. I definitely can’t go aroundenjoyingit.
I put my hands flat on Ian’s broad chest and push him away. He steps back easily, holding his hands up.
“I’m not sorry,” he says immediately, in the same soft tone he’d use for an apology. Hesoundssorry, but there’s a glint in his eye that matches his words. He felt me kiss him back.
“We can’t do that again.”
“If you say so.”
I swallow hard. “I say so. If you can’t respect a simple boundary like that, then we shouldn’t do this. No more handholding. No more kissing.”
He nods, looking more serious. “Okay. I won’t kiss you again…unless you ask me to. I promise.”
I believe him. I don’t believe quite so much in my own resolve, but it’s all we’ve got. “Okay then. If you stick to that, we won’t have any problems. Why don’t you send me the paperwork and we can schedule the…”
I trail off, because he’s walked away. Jogged, actually. Is heleaving? Because I said I wouldn’t kiss him again?
No, he’s coming back now, a folder in his hand. He raises it in the air like a trophy. “Brought ‘em with me!”
My mouth is still buzzing as he hands me the papers. I touch my lips without thinking. When I realize what I’m doing, I jerk them away, hoping he didn’t notice. “Oh, um, thanks. I’ll get them back to you. Do you happen to have a digital copy you could send me? Richard wants to look at them before I sign, and he’s out of town.”
Ian’s jaw muscle flexes. “Right. Sure.” He pulls out his phone and taps a few times. I feel mine buzz in my purse. Right away, I take it out and forward the file to Richard. While I’m still typing the message to go along with it, Ian speaks again. “Listen, can I take you out to eat or something?”
My heart leaps at the invitation.Leaps.Like it’s been waiting for this.
Oh no.No, no, no, no.
I am not going to let one kiss unlock a crush on the last person in the world that I should catch feelings for. We have such a good thing going with our little arrangement. It’s legal and tidy, less than ideal but better than nothing. He gets to borrow my uterus, I get to help someone become a parent. Win/win, and then we both go our separate ways.
I should say no. I should go home to my empty house and fold laundry or something. Eatbanchanand reheated leftovers while I read the contract, since Richard’s not around to complain about the smell of my favorite foods. I should definitely not go on a dinner date with the guy who just kissed me after telling me I have pretty ovaries.
I send the file and message to Richard and stow my phone since I don’t expect him to reply. By now, he’s probably at some business dinner since he’s a few time zones ahead.
“I don’t want to leave things like this,” Ian says, sounding guarded. He scrubs his fingers through the thick fur on the side of his neck. “I feel like I might have fucked things up by kissing you. The doctor stuff, holding your hand… it made me feel close to you, and I got carried away with the fantasy. It won’t happen again, I swear. Your boundary is crystal clear.”
“Then we probably shouldn’t blur the lines with a dinner date.”
He stuffs his hands in his pockets and glances up at the overcast sky. His breath puffs out. “Drinks, then. Or coffee. I want us to be friends. I want us to…I don’t know, Julia. I want to be there for you as we go through this. I want to talk to you, get to know you. I want you to trust me so you aren’t worried about our pups after they’re born.”
