“It was obvious where you were going. So, did you warn her?” he accuses.
“Warn who?”
“Don’t play smart, Leo. Sarah.”
“You think I came here to warn her about you? You really have lost your mind.”
Ethan walks over to me and cages me into the chair, his hands resting on the arms either side of me, his face right in mine.
“Watch it, Leo.”
“I came here to think, Ethan. That’s all,” I say. He doesn’t look convinced.
“Think about what, exactly?”
“About what happened back there. I don’t think you get how hard this is for me. To see you like this.”
Ethan stands back to his full height and moves over tothe wall and leans against it. At least he has calmed down.
“You said you were okay with what we planned, Leo.”
“It’s not Sarah who’s the issue. It’s you and your friends’ robotic personalities. I’m finding it difficult to understand.”
“You left because of my personality? Or because you are scared?”
“I’m not scared of you, Ethan,” I say, as the lie fills the air with sourness. I’m not scared of him hurting me, I’m just scared of what he will do next.
“Your world, the things you’re involved in and the people you hurt. It’s a lot. I want to be fine with it, but I’m struggling. Like, your friends, they aren’t good people, are they?”
“No.”
“You know these one worded answers are getting tiresome. What if I can’t accept all of this? Who you are?”
“You know why I do it.”
“That doesn’t make it right. I just…I just don’t want to become numb like you,” I say, admitting the biggest concern I have, which is losing myself. Losing humanity.
Ethan remains quiet for a moment, searching no doubt for something to say. He returns to me and cups my face, his thumbs brush over my cheeks like he can wipe away my concerns. Every touch he places on my body is like being re-claimed all over again.
“You won’t, because you’re not like me or the others.We were born like this, raised in this. I will take the weight so you don’t have to. Balance.”
That makes sense but I feel like he is just appeasing me. I’m fully aware of his psychological manipulations now and most of the time, I’m happy to oblige, but this is different. This makes the difference of making my life harder or easier to live. Can I accept it, that’s the issue.
“I know I keep saying this, but I hate this,” I say, annoyed by my own whining. Maybe I just love the attention. Ethan leans over me in the chair, and I tip my head back to keep my eyes on his handsome face.
“You’ve got this all wrong. You don’t hate it. You keep lying to yourself, because you love that it feels so good. The danger, being bad. Being with me. It’s easier to pretend you care than admit you want the dark, Leo. You want to be in bed with the bad man.”
I’m totally under his spell when he talks to me like that, in his quiet, deep, commanding voice that reaches a different part of me. Not only is he sexy as fuck, is he right? He can’t be…do I really love it? Is it something I’m proud of?
“I love that you belong to me,” he whispers into my ear before nibbling on the lobe, distracting me from the trail of this conversation. He knows what he’s doing. I know what he’s doing.
“You no longer need space from me, Leo. Got it? I’m everywhere you are.”
Holy shit, I’m so turned on. This crazy man has me running in circles of emotion. One minuteI’m fine, the next I’m in a panic. But he always does this, brings me back around and it’s becoming easier to just give in.
“Kiss me,” I beg him, needing the carnal confirmation that we are meant to be. That we’re the one soul that he keeps telling me we are. I need the connection more than ever. Without a word he kisses me fast and dirty. Wet and feral. The battle of tongues and teeth develops fast, unable to get enough of a taste that makes us fulfilled. It will never be enough. I will always want more of him.
“Pants down and bend over the table,” Ethan orders as he pulls away from me slowly, allowing me room to move. I swallow hard, shy and turned on. This table is not the sturdiest in the world, but I’m prepared to give whatever he wants a go.
