“I think it’s too soon, we need our own space and we don’t really know enough about each other yet,” I’d said, thinking what I was saying was quite reasonable. But obviously not, with the way he turned and looked at me like I was the dumbest person he had ever met in his life.
“You have a past, that I know everything about. And a future I will give you. What else is there to know?”
Why does he always manage to make every statement feel justified? I should have argued with him and said no. That would be the normal thing that Leo from four weeks ago would’ve done. But this new Leo has no restraint when it comes to Ethan.
“Fine. I’ll get my things tomorrow.”
“No, you will get them now. No time like the present.”
“Fine, but I’m going on my own. I don’t need to have you breathing down my neck.”
“That’s a fair compromise. David will take you. Now hurry.”
I rolled my eyes at his lack of patience, but my stomach was doing somersaults at the idea of moving in. He doesn’t need to know that, though.
My apartment looks so different now. It’s funny, with everything that has happened, I can barely remember what it felt like to live here. It’s like I’ve awoken from a bad dream.
The place smells more pungent than it did before. Old cooking smells and a sour scent that never left no matter how much we cleaned. The smell of lemon cleaner has gone, so that may be why the underlying smell has escaped.
The place is too quiet. The neighbors are not making noise like usual and the traffic outside seems duller. Or have I learned to zone out the noise in my head and only focus on what I need to?
The living room is half-empty and most of thecupboards and drawers have been left half-open. Sarah must’ve cleared her shit out after that display she gave at Ethan’s yesterday morning. I cringe thinking about the second-hand embarrassment. This is odd. I expected I would feel something like grief or sadness in a failed relationship. But I feel nothing.
I move into the bedroom, which is empty apart from the bedframe and bare mattress and my half of the wardrobe clothes on display. Hangers sway slightly, nudged by air that no longer belongs to anyone. I think about Sarah’s voice, of how sharp and ambitious she was, always reaching forward while I stayed behind.
I sit on the bed and I think about nights lying inches apart, backs turned, pretending exhaustion was the reason we never touched. Everything is crystal clear now.
I stand and start packing. I have a box for clothes and another for the tools my dad left me, along with a few books. My father’s old sketchbook goes into my bag, wrapped in one of my shirts like a fragile bone.
Everything else I decide to throw away, and grab a trashbag so I can dispose of it all when I leave. I pause in the kitchen when I see the cracked mug that sits on the shelf. There is nothing special about it other than I‘ve had this mug since we got together, but it holds years of memories that I’m ready to move on from. The memories were nothing but a lie.
I’m taping the last box shut when I hear heels, and I just know with my luck, it’s Sarah returning to try and make this as difficult as possible. She walks in and slams the door. I look at her and how different shelooks now, dressed in designer clothes that don’t belong in this building. Make-up perfectly done, hair styled beautifully. Nice to see she is putting the money to good use.
“Well,” she says, scanning the boxes. “Where are you off to? Now that I have the money I thought you would keep this place?”
Not wanting to rise to her bait, I don’t answer.
“Oh my god. That’s why there is that expensive car outside, isn’t it? You’re moving in with him, aren’t you?”
“I’m just getting my things, Sarah. What I do is no longer your business, but I would appreciate a forwarding address for my lawyer to send divorce papers.”
She laughs on the verge of hysteria, like the joker not getting their own way.
“You look pathetic,” she says. “Did he not even buy you any clothes? How will he be seen in public with a man who bends metal for fun? I’m ashamed for him.”
“You sound jealous, Sarah.”
“Don’t delude yourself, Leo. I pity you.”
Ready to leave as I have no intention of engaging with this bitch, I grab the boxes and go to leave, not wanting to give her any satisfaction by giving her the verbal fight that she is so desperate for.
“He threatened me,” she says suddenly, voice dropping just as I’m about to leave. “Your precious Ethan threatened me today.”
“Really?” I ask, not really giving a shit. I know what she is trying to do, always sneaky and trying to look for a way to control the situation.
“He said I’d regret it if I talked,” she continues. “Said I’d lose everything,” she says as she steps closer.
“He’s dangerous, Leo. You think you’re special? You think you’re chosen? You’re just convenient,” she says, and the hatred pours out of her. I should feel something at her words. I should feel sorry for her, I should feel angry that Ethan went that far, but I don’t. The only thing I feel around Sarah is exhaustion.
