Soon, he will learn what it means to be seen continuously. Completely.
David arrives and parks in the street while I get in and make my next move as we set off. I have an idea, but it requires research and extensive planning. I don’t like uncertainty.
That’s why I call Marcus.
He answers on the second ring, as he always does. Loyalty is predictable when it’s properly cultivated over the years we have known each other.
“I need a background check,” I tell him. “Full.”
There is a pause, which is then followed by a chuckle of amusement. “You finally found a hobby?”
“A person.”
Another pause, but longer this time.
“Name?”
“Leo Jones.”
I give him the rest of the information I have, and hold myself back from being too impatient. Marcus and I go way back. He’s the Prez of a motorcycle club called Blackrose Saints. Over the years he has done some off the record work for me, and I’ve provided financial assistance for the club when needed. Those guys are loyal to the core. They have shit on me that would have me locked up for the rest of my life.
Marcus lets out a breath.
“You’re doing that thing again. Obsessing and being unfairly impatient.”
“I’m always like that. How long do I have to wait?”
“Give me a few hours,” he says before disconnecting the call.
But like the stand up guy he is, he delivers in two.
I’m already at home and eating dinner when I get an alert that the files have arrived on my phone. The long list of every issue in Leo’s life.
Money problems. Severe. Credit card balances on the edge of collapse. Savings have run out. Recently moved from Ohio. Is a metal sculptor and attends a workshop twice a month? So he wants to be an artist. That detail hums through me like a low current. Of course he does. Men like Leo always want things that don’t love themback. But it could be useful information in formulating a plan and would explain the marks I noticed on his hands today.
Married. I pause on that word longer than necessary and sneer at it.
Sarah. Barista at a local coffee shop, a popular hang out. She is the same when it comes to finances. Also comes from Ohio. I guess they grew up together.
I continue to read more notes from Marcus. Leo has no criminal history. No close family. Father died a year ago. No real support system outside of his wife.
My lip quirks like I’m trying to smile.
This is a perfect situation for someone like me as it does not require a lot of effort. You see, people think predators seek strength because it makes for a greater challenge. We don’t. We seek isolation.
I close my eyes and briefly picture his hands covered in ash instead of cheap soap. His mouth relaxed instead of clenched around apologies. His life reduced to something small enough for me to hold.
I don’t want to hurt him.
That’s the lie people like me tell ourselves. The truth is more grand.
I want todecidefor him. What he does. What he needs. Who touches him. Who he belongs to when the lights go out and the city forgets his name.
In my world control is not cruelty. It’s intimacy without the chaos.
I lower the phone and rest my hands on my lap, breathing slowly, evenly, as if I’m already familiar withthe shape of him. I’m so excited at the thought of finally having him within my grasp and to watch his face as reality hits him. His fear will come later, but so will his understanding.
On Monday, I will speak to him again. Soon, he will stop thinking of his life in terms of survival and start thinking of it in terms of me.
