He nods, thinking that over. I move a step closer to him and those fucking innocent eyes that draw me in hold so much longing that it nearly knocks me over.
He didn't just come here to tell me about Jake. He is needy and wants attention. His mind needs to be settled and apparently, it's only me that can do that. I grab him behind his neck, which I have noticed makes him focus better.
“You know what you need, doe? You need someone who grounds that crazed mind of yours.”
He slackens under my touch. I take another smoke and force Aaron’s mouth open, exhaling the deliciousness into his mouth, which he greedily accepts.
“Well this is a new side to you, Aaron. Stabby jealous to needy doe?”
“Why do you call me that?” Another change in his tone. This one is more innocent and honest.
“Because of your eyes, they remind me of Bambi. Big and brown and full of innocence. Although, I know that word would never be used to describe you.”
He scoffs at that, a hint of the icy attitude returning. I think he is embarrassed by how much he likes that I have a name for him.
“You know, I like this side of you, stabby-psycho Aaron. I knew you'd be a clinger. It’s like having a groupie.”
“Yeah, well we can't all be perfect like you,” he says. Cheeky little shit.
“True. So tell me why you are here, apart from to block me from getting my dick wet.”
His face contorts to a look of irritation.
I’m going to be on the receiving end of that knife, aren’t I?
Internally, I grin at how easy he is to twist into knots as I move back to my desk, stubbing out my cigar, saving the rest for later.
Chapter 23 - Aaron
“Jakeisplanningonleaving. He told me last night when I got home, and I don't know if he knows something or if he was testing me. They left to go somewhere tonight, he didn't say where but something is happening,” I explain, trying to bring the conversation back to why I came here in the first place.
That hysterical outburst frazzled my brain. It just came out of nowhere. It was like when I was younger, how I latched onto anything that made me feel something. It’s trickled into adulthood and Lev is taking the brunt. It was like I was having a breakdown, the fear I was losing my grip on him. But he isn’t fucking mine. Why can’t I get that?
“I knew we should have had the fuckers brought in straight after, but Dima wanted to wait,” he says, then pauses in thought. “Okay, I’ll call Dima and get the ball rolling.”
“And what about me? What happens to me now, Lev?'' I ask, and I allow the slight vulnerability in my voice to show.
He looks at me with no emotion, no reaction. It's like nothing has ever happened between us and it's the first time I feel a slight stab of pain in my chest. I can't allow it, he was clear from the start and this is my issue. Considering my behavior tonight, it's something I need to work on. Maybe keeping my distance will help.
“Nothing. I told you if you helped you would be free, and you are.”
“And what about the other thing?” I ask and he looks confused, like he is trying to go over every encounter we have had to look for the question I am asking.
“What thing?” he says.
“I want to be in on it. I want to be the one to end Jake. That was the deal.” He snorts and it annoys the shit out of me. “Don’t fucking laugh at me, Lev. This is my life!” I shout at him.
Instantly, all the humor from his face drains. Before I know it, he has me slammed against the door, locked in a chokehold and fuck, does it feel amazing to have his hands on me again.
“You forget your place, doe. I have killed for less than your current attitude. I made no such deal, you just assumed.” He relaxes his hand but with his breath so close to my face, I feel my body go limp, like he is the only thing keeping me upright. I keep my eyes closed. I can't look at him right now. It's too much.
A gravelly chuckle vibrates next to my ear, the smells of his cigar and aftershave fill my nostrils, settling into my core memories as his signature scent. “I get it now, you want some attention, doe, don't you? Hmm? That's why you are really here,” he says in a hushed tone into my ear. It’s making my brain melt to goo. His voice carries a hypnotic lilt that pulls me under, making it hard to think.
“I came here to tell you what Jake is planning,” I say, trying to sound convincing.
“You could have messaged that to me. I know my little monster wants to tear his brother apart. I know that thought gets you off, but you wanted my eyes on you. I’ve said before that you give yourself to me too easily, doe. You need another fucking? Does your hole need to be pounded until you feel like yourself again?” He licks under my ear, and goosebumps flare on the surface.
How the fuck he knows all this is scary but also such a damn turn on. I open my eyes and gaze into his vivid green ones, refusing to look away as I let the rawness of my need for him come to the surface.
