Does … does Jake know that I'm the one that's ratted him out? No, that can't be it. Jake wouldn’t be able to contain his anger. But the waiting and the not knowing is killing me. Part of me wants to contact Lev and ask him what to do and the other part … well, I just want to run as far away from here as possible.
I push my sandwich away, officially having lost my appetite. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I hate this.
I get up and just as I'm about to throw my lunch away, Shay walks into the room.
“Are you okay, Aaron?”
I move towards the trashcan to discard the unwanted food and keep my back to him. “Yeah, why?”
“I dunno, you seem quiet, not really present. I mean, to be honest, everyone around here’s on edge and Jake won't speak to me. Tommy’s hardly here, and I just don't know what the fuck is going on anymore. Did you follow them the other night?” he asks.
Should I be honest? Can I trust him? Hell, I don’t think I can trust anybody anymore. I need to do what everyone else is doing. Lie.
“No, I didn't follow him. I ended up wandering around thinking about what you said about leaving. I'm just as in the dark as you are.” I am shocked at how convincing I even sound to myself.
He thinks about that, nodding his head slowly. “There's still time for you to leave, Aaron. I can help you before it's too late.”
“What do you mean too late? I am so sick and tired of all the secrecy, treating me like some dumb child. If you really gave a shit about me, you would tell me what’s going on instead of the riddles that fly outta your mouth. Just be fucking real with me for once. My life is tied up in whatever shit you have going on!” I say. I’ve had it with Shay. With all of them.
What I don’t tell Shay is that it’s already too late. With Jake talking about leaving town and him refusing to let me go, what the hell else am I supposed to do? I know what I want to do. But I can't.
Just as Shay is about to speak, Jake and Tommy walk through the door. Tommy with his ever-present frown just for me. Whatever, bitch. I really couldn't give a fuck anymore. Honestly, after last night, for the first time in my life, I’m feeling like my true self. Even though I’m alone without a single person who gives a rat's ass about me. It’s a hard fact to swallow, but fuck ‘em, I don’t need anyone in my life.
“We’re heading out tonight, and I'm not sure when we’ll be back, but you’re not to leave this apartment, Aaron. Do you understand me?” Jake says.
I want to argue with him, but what’s the point? I'm fully healed and don't fancy another beating. “Yes, I understand, Jake.”
“Good, finally learning your place,” he says. “Shay, be ready in ten minutes and we’ll head out.”
Everyone falls in line like usual.
Shay walks out of the room, leaving me on my own with Tommy and Jake. There’s a shift in the air between all of us and I'm not sure what it means. I just know that something is about to happen.
“When will you be back?” I ask because my mouth never knows when to shut up.
His nose wrinkles in my direction like he’s smelled something rotten. The vast emotions and feelings he has towards me are so confusing. It's like he hates me with every bone in his body, but wants me under his control. There’s uncomfortable silence until Shay returns. “It will be late,” Jake says, finally answering my question. “No doubt you'll be in bed like a good little boy. I mean it, Aaron. You will not leave this apartment.”
“Sure, have fun or whatever,” I grumble.
The three of them leave the apartment and I'm stuck here in the deafening silence with too many thoughts and decisions spinning in my mind. I want to text Lev, but I'm apprehensive in case Jake is secretly watching me. I’m so fucking paranoid and tense. So, I decide to be a completely reckless asshole and do the stupidest thing possible.
I’m going to find Lev in person. The man will be at either Desire or Starlight tonight. He seems to do nothing else but work. I could text, but I'd prefer to speak to him face-to-face and tell him what's going on with Jake.
Plus, I need to know where I stand. I need to know when he's taking the crew.
Who am I kidding?I'm just pining to see him. Fuck it.I’m going.
A couple of hours later, I’m standing outside Starlight. I hung around the apartment for a bit to make sure Jake and the guys actually left, and it wasn’t just a test to see if I’d remained confined to quarters like a good boy.
I look up at the large sign, hesitant to walk in. What have I got to lose at this point? Absolutely fuck all. I push through the double doors, and the sound of the sultry music of the burlesque show that's currently going on sweeps over me, relaxing me instantly.
It's such a great bar to come to. Hidden dark corners, seductive music that hypnotizes you, a place filled with lust and secret desires. A place where you leave all your shit at the door before you walk in here. Nobody cares who you are or how you’ve sinned, you can melt into the crowd and stay hidden. I love it here.
I survey the room looking for Lev, not sure that I'll actually find him, but it's worth a shot. I notice Seb behind the bar, but I ignore him for now. I don't need any interference tonight. As I scour past the bar, I notice a back in the corner that I would know anywhere.
Those broad shoulders, thick neck, and tattoos dressed all in black. It’s a back I only memorized last night with my hands, but what really throws me off, is the guy that he has pushed up against the wall, and not in the violent Lev way, no, it's more like “I'm going to fuck your brains out”.
Molten anger turns my blood to hot lava that seeps out of my pores. If anyone touched me now, they would burn to ash.
