It’s coming. He’s going to do it soon. Cross that line that I never want to cross.
Please don't touch me. Please don't.The boy in my head chants his pleas over and over, making me want to scratch the voice out.
The past floods to the surface. Every heavily implied innuendo, every lust-filled story of what he would do to me, the way he used to push his body against mine, lingering for too long.
“Open wide baby brother…”
No! I won't go there.
Get out of my head, get out of my head,I beg, hoping the boy listens. Fuck. I just know Jake is thinking about the same thing.
Come on Aaron, get your shit together.
Breathe in…breathe out.
Too busy focusing on my breathing to prevent a panic attack, I jolt against Jake's hold as the front door slams followed by Tommy’s heavy footfalls. I spy Tommy from the corner of my eye and he stands still, staring between us. Jake takes a moment before he composes himself, moving back and releasing me.
“Get the fuck away from me, Aaron, before I end you.” The low harsh whisper of his voice holds all the promises of cruelty. I’ve heard it before, but I know this time there is more meaning in his words. The fact that others see it and he doesn't try to hide it like he did at home when we were younger makes it worse.
I walk briskly to my room, feeling the glare of Tommy on my back as I walk away like this is all my fault. Nobody speaks, they don't have to, the atmosphere in here is enough to narrate what is going on as the tension builds daily. The pressure cooker of emotions is going to explode and I’m the sole cause of it all. I don't want to be here.
Maybe it would be better to take Shay’s advice, forget about Jake, and just leave, but that’s hopeless. Jake would make it his mission to find me and ensure that I never attempt to leave him again.
When I get to my room, I close the door behind me. I need a minute to process this. Pushing the threats from Jake away allows me to focus. Jake was angry at me for talking to Shay. It's clear he wants to compete with the Kozlovs with dealing and potentially taking over other territories. He’s trying to keep me away from Shay because I think he knows deep down, if I push Shay enough, he’ll tell me what's going on in order to protect me. I still don't understand how or why Jake is even thinking of doing something like this, unless the reward is huge, but then again, his arrogance is what will end him one day, a day I am hoping is imminent. We are only a crew of four, so how does he plan to do it? He must be working with someone else on this, he has to be.
Putting my ear to the door, I listen for any movement or signs that Jake is going to follow me, but all I can hear is the mumbling of chatter between him and Tommy before the sound of the TV being turned on. I should be safe from being disturbed for a while, so I go to my closet and pull up the carpet at the bottom corner. Gently, I pull it back, revealing the loose floorboard that I lift to display the burner phone Lev gave me. I need to tell him and in all honesty, I need the protection because as much as I would love to tear the flesh from my stepbrother, I’m secretly scared he will get me first.
With shaky fingers, I send a text.
Me: Need to see you.
I check the sound is turned off and the light is low on the screen. I am about to put it back when I get a response.
Lev: Why? You have info?
Me: Yes.
Lev: Fine, meet me at Desire tonight at 7. Come through the back, Jules will meet you there, doe.
Doe? Why is he calling me doe? Never mind.
Me: Okay.
Like an electric shock, the shift in my head is instant as the involuntary smile on my face spreads. It seems to happen when I think of the hunky killer, which is becoming a frequent thing. My whole mood alters, erasing anything else that’s happened, it’s like some kind of amnesia. My stomach bubbles like it's a washer on rinse spin. I get to be near him again tonight. I need to compose myself and try to be normal around him. But I also need him on my side to take down my shithead stepbrother.
Deciding on my faithful ripped black jeans, my Alice In Chains retro T-shirt with my leather jacket, I quickly look in the mirror and style my messy hair. Which means I just run my hands through it to make it look acceptable. I change my eyebrow piercing to a black barbell, which I keep for special occasions, and use my burner phone to book an Uber to collect me at the end of the street.
The noise from Tommy and Jake died down a while ago. Luckily when I left my room, the guys had gone, probably out on some dealing or secret shady meeting, and Shay is still holed up in his room fast asleep. It makes leaving a lot less difficult. Making my way outside and down the apartment steps, my phone pings informing me of the Uber arrival in two minutes, so I speed walk to the end of the street. It feels like Christmas. I can't wait to inhale Lev and listen to that devilish sexy voice berate me.
Arriving at the club, I head to the back entrance as per instructions. I’m right on time. I knock two short thumps against the heavy door. Within seconds the door opens, and I’m greeted by Jules who looks me up and down before raising a brow at me. I must look hot.
“Come with me, Aaron,” he orders. Jules looks like he belongs in the WWE with how large he is. He’s hot and looks like he could throw you around, but he seems to dislike me and I can't get a good read on him. Plus blonds aren't really my type.
I follow Jules through the back corridors of the club, the heavy thrum of the music from the main floor vibrates beneath my feet. The fluttering in my stomach builds with the anticipation of seeing Lev. Warmth spreads over my skin and I'm at risk of breaking out into a sweat. I clench my hands at my sides in order to stop my fidgeting.
We finally come to a stop outside Lev's office and Jules quickly knocks before opening the door. I’m hit with the smell of cigars and an undertone of what I can only describe as exotic and earthy aftershave. It’s Lev’s scent. The smells combine and give me a comfort that I have never felt before. It’s an unusual feeling of safety, which is on repeat in my head.
You are safe here… you are safe here…
