I lean back in my chair, lifting my beer to my lips as I take a long, slow gulp. Around me the bar hums with energy as country music thrums through the speakers while my teammates partake in our nightly ritual of charming any woman that comes within a ten-foot radius.
“Are you seriously going to sit here all night?” Hudson asks as he rejoins me at the table where I’ve sat, uncharacteristically, for the majority of the evening, nursing my drink like a grumpy old man.
With the lead up to opening night, it’s become a bit of a tradition for us to blow off steam after practice, hitting up all the local bars and clubs. Once the season kicks off, and for the next eight months our lives will be swallowed up by full-day practices and two games a week, with our nights of bar-hopping coming to an unofficial close.
That’s precisely why I should be enjoying my last few nights of freedom. I’m usually always the first one out there, ready to make myself the center of attention as I throw back some beers, laugh too loudly, and flirt way too easily, but tonight, the spark and desire just isn’t there.
“Is this because of what we said earlier about Hollis?” Hudson asks, casually sliding into the chair next to me like we’re at Sunday brunch, rather than the moral reckoning I know he’s about to bestow. “While I meant what I said, and I get why Easten wouldn’t want you dating his hypothetical sister, it’s notlike we don’t have a reason to worry. I mean, I wouldn’t want you dating my real-life sister either. No offense,” he offers with a grin, that does little to ease the burn.
“But that also doesn’t mean we think you’re some piece of shit. You’re what—twenty-six? That’s the best time to make questionable decisions, especially since you’re still young enough to blame it on your youth,” he carries on, acting like some old and wise guru when in fact, he’s only two years older than me. “Seriously, sleep with whomever you want, whenever you want. Be free. Frolic and do you,” he teases, shaking the baseball cap on my head.
I swat his hand away, even if my lips twitch.
“I’m just saying... Jared’s daughter? That’s not just playing with fire, that’s dousing yourself in gasoline before throwing yourself into a whole ass bonfire. I mean, I get it”he adds, leaning in as he places a well-meaning hand on my shoulder. “We all make stupid decisions from time to time, but maybe this is one you should reallyconsider avoiding.”
“As always, I appreciate the candor,” I sigh, reaching for my beer. “And I don’t know what’s up with me because I'm positive this has nothing to do with what you guys said—at least not really.”
Does it suck knowing my closest friends wouldn’t trust me with their sisters? Okay, so maybe that stung a little, but if I’m honest with myself, I get it. I’ve never given them a reason to think I'd want anything long-term. Sure, I’d show their sisters a night of fun and provide all the orgasms they desire, but that’s about it. Definitely not the kind of guy a good brother would want around his sister.
“Not really?” He arches a brow. “Care to elaborate?”
I tip my head from side to side, trying to figure out how to put this mess of thoughts into words. “I don’t know,” I say, lightly tapping my fingers on the glass. “I’m just not in the mood to dothe same old thing. And no,” I shoot him a look, “it’s not because you all gave me shit about it. I just don’t see the point. At least not when no one’s caught my eye or given me a reason to put myself out there.”
“Really?” he asks, his eyebrows practically hitting the ceiling as he scans the bar. “Are we looking at the same women here?”
“Yes,” I lean back in my seat. “I didn’t say they weren’t good looking. They are. That’s not the issue. It’s just that none of them are calling to me and I’m not in the mood to waste my time.”
His head rears back in disbelief.
“Okay… okay,” he starts, slowly nodding, despite looking like his brain is still buffering. “I think I might be getting what you’re throwing my way. But,” he continues, dragging out the t. “How can you really know if the spark is missing if you don’t put yourself out there? Pretty sure your ass has been parked in that chair the entire night.”
“Hey,” I raise my hands. “I’ve been approached. I’ve talked to people. I’m just… not interested, I guess.”
He reaches over and places the back of his hand against my forehead. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
I dip my head and swat his hand. “Yes, I’m feeling perfectly fine,” I say a bit too defensively before taking a breath and continuing. “If anything, maybe Hollis just threw me off my game. But don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll be back to my normal programming soon.”
“If you say so,” he says, skepticism lacing his tone. “But just so you know, those two gorgeous blondes over there,” he nods his head toward two very attractive women that are currently chatting it up with our teammates, “were just asking about you. I can always make the introduction.”
They are gorgeous, and maybe if this had happened a few days ago I’d be all over it, but tonight, I’m just not in the mood to force or fake it.
“Nah, I’m good.”
Hudson clicks his tongue before sliding out of his chair. “Alright, whatever you say, but I really think you’re missing out.”
“I’m not worried, but you go and have your fun. I’m perfectly content over here,” I assure him as I give his ass a quick send-off swat.
“Will do!” He offers a two finger salute before joining the rest of the team.
This isn’t me. Hell, I can practically feel the horny part of my brain waving a red flag as it attempts to pull me out of this strange stupor. However, as much as I want to join the guys, I can’t force myself up out of this chair.
Maybe I should listen to Hudson. Who knows, maybe a flirty conversation, or hell, even a reckless one-night stand is exactly what I need to re-wire my brain and get back to normal, but it just doesn’t feel right.
I’m not sure how, but Hollis has changed something in me. She’s flipped a switch I didn’t even know existed and I’m not quite ready to pretend it hasn’t happened. Not now, not tomorrow, and probably not anytime soon.
God help me because I think I might’ve developed actual feelings. Real ones that I'm not entirely sure how to deal with just yet.
5
