Benji stared at Andy, who looked genuinely upset and apologetic. But Benji really didn’t give a damn. They all knew. Bobby, Andy, Danielle, all of them had known and kept it from him. Anger burned in his chest, sending his heart racing.
“They cancelled because I’m gay?” Benji asked. “That’s bullshit. I’ve never hidden my sexuality. I was in XYZ for fuck’s sake.”
“Knowing something,” Bobby said, “and having it rubbed in your face are two different things. Venues didn’t want to risk attracting”—he made air quotes with his fingers—“ ‘unwanted guests’.”
“Oh, I get it. They didn’t want gay fans of a gay singer showing up at their straight place with goddamn gay cooties.” Benji’s voice rose a bit, attracting stares, but he didn’t care. His band mates had lied to him, and that hurt. But it was the sad, resigned look on Joshua’s face that broke his heart. “You knew.”
Joshua nodded. Benji got to his feet and strode toward the exit. He needed air. He needed space away from people he cared about and had trusted, and who’d fucking lied to him. For over a month! And Joshua. That betrayal was the worst of all.His boyfriend had known this whole time, and he hadn’t said anything.
The cold November air reminded him that he’d left his jacket draped over the back of his chair. Didn’t matter. It cooled his heated skin and helped fizzle some of his anger. Joshua wouldn’t have kept this from him unless pressured by the others, but that was still no excuse for going along with it.
He paced the parking lot, threading between cars, lost in his own tumbling thoughts until someone called his name. His parents were walking toward him, Mom carrying a small wrapped gift. They’d texted earlier about getting caught behind an accident and running late to the party.
“What’s wrong?” Dad asked.
“Oh the usual. Taking bullshit because I wasn’t born straight like the majority of the world.” Benji hated how whiny that sounded, but whatever. He deserved to wallow for a while.
“Erin, why don’t you go inside and get warm? I’m going to take Benji out to talk. We’ll be back before the party is over.”
“Of course.” Mom hugged them both, and then took her gift inside.
Benji didn’t protest his dad leading him to the car, or driving away from the building that still held his two boyfriends—one of whom he’d planned to introduce to his parents today.
Joke’s on me.
Dad drove a few miles away to small pizza joint with beer signs in the windows. They went straight to the bar, where he ordered them both Yuenglings. The thick, yeasty lager wasn’t Benji’s favorite, but if his dad was paying, he’d drink whatever. Once the bartender brought their uncapped bottles, Dad took a long pull. “Spill it.”
Benji explained what little he knew, including Joshua being in on it. “I hate that they couldn’t be honest with me. I’m not some nervous Nellie who’s going to freak out over a bunch ofbigots not wanting me to get my queer germs on their stage. I could have handled it.”
“Why do you think your band mates didn’t believe you could handle it?” Dad asked. A peeler from way back, he started picking at the corner of his bottle’s label.
Benji bit back an instinctiveI don’t knowand thought harder. “These past few months, I know I’ve been struggling with my sexuality. Maybe I’ve been taking things more personally than I should.” Especially before he and Joshua had finally managed to fold Van into their relationship. Benji had been a mess, constantly second-guessing his decisions, unsure if anything he did was right. If he’d been told about the vacation today, he probably would have brushed it off. Five weeks ago? Not so much. And the band had seen that.
“Okay, I can kind of understand it back then,” Benji said. “But it still hurts.”
“Son, what’s been your driving passion since you were twelve years old?”
“Music.”
“And what do you have a career in right now?”
“Music.” Benji adored his career, the same way his band mates did. Bobby had been developing Fading Daze as a group for years, and they’d accepted him into it as Trey’s replacement with open arms. But Bobby was as fiercely protective of Fading Daze as Dom and Lincoln had been about XYZ. He’d do whatever was necessary to keep the group alive and intact, in the same way that Benji would always do what was best for the group. “Well, shit.”
“Hmm?” Dad tapped his bottle’s neck. “An epiphany, I take it?”
Benji gulped from his beer, the thick liquid gurgling in his mostly empty stomach. He hadn’t eaten much off his plate once he came out of his fog of fear and realized he’d chosen a lotof stuff he didn’t really like. Then he groaned, because he still needed to clear the air with Bobby over being with Van.
“They didn’t lie to be cruel,” Benji said. “They were trying to protect me.”
“Why do you think so?”
“Because I’ll do whatever it takes to see Fading Daze succeed, even leave the band if my sexuality and relationship creates too much negative backlash. I can’t even imagine what will happen when it gets around that I’m in a poly relationship with two other men.”
“It will definitely draw attention to the band. Juicy gossip has a way of doing that.”
“So do you think Bobby, in his own inept way, was actually protecting me?”
“I think that’s more likely than him doing it out of spite or anger. You’re a gifted singer, Benji, anyone with ears knows that. Bobby would be a fool to let you quit for any reason, especially one as irrelevant to making music as who you choose to love.”
