“You think?” He pulled Van over to the couch, so they could cuddle up together for a while. “Maybe I could do freelance computer work for local business owners? Help with web design, functionality, security, all that kind of stuff.”
“I thought you wanted to get away from IT?”
“I don’t know. It’s what my degree is in.”
“Then get a new degree. Take online courses. Or there are three colleges forty minutes from here. You’re only twenty-four, babe. You’ve got time to figure this out.”
Joshua grinned, then kissed Van on the cheek. “Say it again.”
Van stared until he figured it out. “Babe.”
“I like the sound of that.” He rested his head on Van’s shoulder. “Thank you for this. It really helped me put things into perspective.”
“You’re welcome.”
Joshua settled in Van’s arms, comfortable and protected, and let go. He still missed Benji like crazy, and that wouldn’t stop until they were together again. But right now, he had Van, and that was all he needed. Someone to hold him and tell him he had value beyond what his family thought of him.
Benji and Van were his family now—they were all he ever needed, and more.
TWENTY-ONE
Benji didn’t expectfinding time to message with his boyfriends would be so damned difficult. Saturday evening’s concert was delayed by an hour, so by the time the band returned to the motel, everyone was exhausted and fell into bed. A heavy rain hit on Sunday, and with nothing to do within reasonable walking distance, they ended up staying in the room and using Andy’s tablet to stream movies. Danielle made them all suffer throughLove, Actually, so Benji got revenge with his turn by choosingHouse of 1000 Corpses.
She hid in the bathroom for the final half-hour of the film.
Fun, yeah, but not conducive to calling his boyfriends. Joshua was easy enough to explain away, but Van was still a secret. A secret Benji hated keeping, but it wouldn’t be forever.
Receiving periodic texts from his boyfriends throughout the day helped. Joshua’s long description of his conversation with Van about pleasing himself, instead of constantly trying to please his family, nearly brought Benji to tears. For years, he’d had a subconscious sense that Joshua had been holding himself back somehow, and Van had helped Joshua put the entire thing into sharp perspective.
He’s exactly who we were waiting for.
He also used the rainy day to tell his band mates the truth of his suspected sexuality. Bobby had no idea what asexual meant, so Benji had explained to the best of his ability. The concept of not feeling sexual attraction, despite enjoying the release of sex itself, seemed to go right over Bobby’s head, but oh well.
Overall, everyone was accepting, and that was the most important thing.
Monday began with a six-hour drive to a new city and new venue for the next three nights. The place seemed a bit lower scale, and definitely lower paying than usual, but Benji was too glad to be on the road to complain to Eddie about it. On Tuesday afternoon, he finally negotiated with Danielle for private motel room time. She agreed to keep Bobby and Andy busy for two hours, minimum.
He ignored a minor pang of guilt over not telling her the full truth about his poly relationship. It would all come out in a few weeks anyway—as long as Van agreed to come to the anniversary party. So far, he hadn’t committed.
On their way out of the room, Bobby loosed a snarky comment about them vacating so Benji couldnothave phone sex with his boyfriend. Benji ignored it, even though it rankled to let Bobby get away with a dig at his sexuality. While Bobby wasn’t exactly being hostile, he was definitely toeing the line, and Benji had no explanation for it. He sang, he did his job, and he did it all to the best of his ability always.
If Bobby ought to be hostile at anyone, it should be the big, muscle-bound drummer banging his little sister.
Not that it was any of his business.
As soon as the door was bolted shut, Benji hit Joshua’s number. He picked up fast. In seconds, Benji’s screen filled with Joshua and Van’s smiling faces. Exactly the same, and yet somehow different. Benji blamed it on the physical distance between them and nothing else.
“Finally,” Benji said. “I’ve missed seeing you guys.”
“Ditto, babe.” Joshua blew a kiss at him. “What’s wrong? You look stressed.”
“I don’t know. Bobby’s been acting weird since we got on the road again. I’m probably being too sensitive or something.” He settled on the bed with his back against the headboard. “What have you guys been up to?”
Joshua glanced over his shoulder at Van, who had a wicked look in his eyes. “Let me get the tablet set up. One sec.”
The view got blurry, then tilted. It settled on a view of Van’s bed. Seconds later, Joshua and Van climbed onto the bed together, both of them totally naked and hard. Eager. Despite Benji repeating that he was totally okay with them fucking while he was on the road, Joshua and Van had mutually decided they wouldn’t. They said it didn’t feel right when Benji wasn’t participating in some way. So, they limited their intimacy to blow and hand jobs, and they always let him know when one or the other happened.
Nothing quite beat getting a text that said blew Van in the kitchen after breakfast or got a reach-around from Van while doing dishes in the middle of eating lunch with the band.
