Benji nearly dropped his phone. “Dude. Wow. You wouldn’t even guess that to look at him.”
“No. So later on, Lincoln and some of the other musicians there started jamming, and after a while Emmett mentioned that Van once played guitar.”
More new, fascinating information about Van. Benji never would have pegged Van for a musician, but he really didn’t know the guy well. Obviously not as well as Joshua, and that stirred up tiny pricks of jealousy. Except he wasn’t sure of which guy he was jealous.
“I thought it would be awesome to hear Van play,” Joshua continued, “so I goaded him, he got upset, said no, and then stormed out of the party. I felt like an ass, so I followed him outside and we talked more. He said he has reasons he doesn’t play, but didn’t tell me what they were. Things kind of got intense between us and . . .”
Benji held his breath, a flash of fear turning his stomach to ice.
“Van kissed me.” Joshua spoke so softly the words almost didn’t make sense.
Benji sank into one of the green room chairs, his knees wobbly, insides all shaky. His breath came in small hitches. It must have stopped there. He needed to know it stopped there. “Did you kiss him back?”
Joshua made a small, whiny sound that pierced Benji’s heart. “Not at first. Once I did, it was for maybe two seconds, and then I stopped it. I’m so fucking sorry, Ben.”
Not at first. For maybe two seconds.
My boyfriend kissed another man.
Benji closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, waiting while his emotions ran riot over his thoughts. He didn’t understand what was happening. Three weeks. They’d managed three weeks as an officially committed couple, and then Joshua kissed another man.
For maybe two seconds.
Not an excuse. He hadn’t pushed Van off him right away; he’d allowed it to happen, because Joshua was attracted to Van, and he’d wanted Van for weeks. They had a private moment, guards down, and they kissed.
One kiss.
It could have been worse.
It shouldn’t have fucking happened.
“Benji? Talk to me, please.”
It took several tries to make his voice work. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I fucked up. I know I did, and I am so sorry. Tell me what to do.”
Benji hated the rough, tear-filled sound of Joshua’s voice, but he couldn’t find any words to comfort him. He couldn’t process this right now. On one hand, it was one kiss, but on the other hand, it was akisswithVan.The guy they’d actually considered, for however brief a time, asking to join them in bed.
I should have given Joshua up weeks ago. He could have been happy with Van all this time, instead of waiting for me to come back to him.
But he didn’t want to break up with Joshua, especially not over one kiss. He couldn’t stand for Joshua to think the absolute worst of himself—that he was a cheater at heart, just like his parents.
He also didn’t think he could forgive him yet.
“I can’t do this right now,” Benji said. “Our show isn’t over.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called during a gig, but I had to tell you right away. I didn’t want to keep it a secret, because that’s as good as lying to you.”
He wanted to give Joshua points for being honest as soon as possible, but he was still too knotted up about the kiss, period. “Thank you for telling me. I’ll call you.”
Joshua made that awful, pitiful sound again. “I love you.”
“Yeah.” Maybe it was cruel, but Benji didn’t say it back before he ended the call. He also couldn’t move, so weighed down by his confusion and hurt. Music from the main floor thundered in the walls, but was no match for the beat of his own angry heart.
“Benji, we need to—shit, who died?” Andy had stopped right inside the green room door and was staring at him with wide eyes.
Benji stared at his band mate. “No one died.”
