“Hello, and welcome to another Thursday open-mike night at Off Beat,” she said.
The crowd whooped. Joshua clapped absently, then sipped his drink. Perfect pour.
Rum and cola wasn’t a fancy drink by any means, but Joshua had traveled all over the United States and sometimes Europe for his job, so he’d been in a lot of bars. Tasted a lot of different rum and a lot of Coke. Some places knew how to get it right, and he’d finally found one in his own backyard.
Beatrice introduced the opening act—a girl with a harmonica and foot drum. Joshua ignored her playing and tried to imagine Benji on that stage with his guitar, belting tunes into the mike.His Benji, who sometimes reminded Joshua of a wriggling puppy because he had that much joy inside of him.
“Dude, you okay?” Lincoln asked. “I mean, I know she’s not that good on the harmonica, but you look like you want to set fire to the stage with your eyes.”
“Sorry, it’s not her.” He took a bigger gulp of his drink. “I miss Benji. A lot. It hit me really hard for some reason how much I miss him.”
“I know you said you were taking a break from work for a few months, but is it just that? Benji seemed kind of off when I saw him in July. Dominic mentioned you guys were taking a break.”
Great, everyone in the band knew what a selfish asshole Joshua was. He didn’t really want to unpack this mess in a full bar, but the noise on stage was loud enough to keep the conversation mostly private. “Dom’s right. We had a massive fight in June, and we’re taking a break.”
“Like a Ross-and-Rachel break? Or is this some sort of trial separation?”
“More like the first one, I guess.” He hoped.
Lincoln sipped his yellow drink. “What was the fight about?”
Joshua sagged into his chair. Few people understood how an open relationship could function, much less thrive, but theirs had. Until the goddamn accident. That had changed everything for Benji, but Joshua simply couldn’t give him more. “Benji wants to be exclusive and close the relationship. I don’t.”
Lincoln didn’t seem at all surprised. “Why not?”
He stared at Lincoln, not used to the man’s abrupt nature. In the past, Joshua had rarely interacted with Lincoln and Dominic outside of Fading Daze, and Benji had almost always been present. “I have my reasons.”
“Uh-huh.”
That got Joshua’s temper going. “Look, I know open relationships are nontraditional, but it worked for us for a longtime. And please don’t point out how happy Dominic and Trey are, because they’ve been together barely over a year. You and Emmett a few months.”
Lincoln shrugged. “My parents have been together thirty-plus years.”
“They’re really your best example right now?”
The Wests had doted on their only son, encouraging his musical talents, up until Lincoln came out to them at seventeen. Then his dad punted him down a flight of stairs and broke his collarbone. As far as Joshua knew, he hadn’t spoken to his parents since.
“Okay, fine, what about the Boundses? They’re approaching their thirty-fifth anniversary this November.” Lincoln crossed his arms, as if daring Joshua to dispute that.
Dominic’s parents were as close to a perfect couple as Joshua had ever met. Their five children were all adopted, and they loved each one as if they were flesh and blood. They were welcoming to every single one of Dominic’s friends and band mates, and his band mates’ boyfriends, Joshua included.
“Let me ask you this, then,” Lincoln said, leaning forward. “Are you reluctant to commit to Benji because you’re holding out for someone better?”
Lincoln might as well have punched him in the nuts. “Of course not!” Joshua’s voice echoed a bit too loudly, because Harmonica Girl had stopped making noise. Cheeks flaming, Joshua ducked his head and lowered his voice. “Benji is amazing. I love him so much it hurts sometimes.”
“Then I guess I don’t understand why you won’t commit to him.”
“Neither does Benji, no matter how many times I try to explain.”
Instead of angry, Lincoln looked sad. “You do realize that if something doesn’t change, you guys won’t have any kind ofrelationship left, right? I’ve known Benji almost as long as you have. When he wants something, he goes for it, whole hog.”
“I know.” It would tear him apart to lose Benji, but more than anything, he wanted Benji to be happy. No matter with whom.
They settled in to listen to the acts, Joshua working his drink faster than Lincoln. He totally sucked as a boyfriend, and Benji deserved better, and that required more alcohol. He needed to celebrate how awful he was, so he slipped off his stool and over to the bar. And he froze.
One of the sexiest male specimens Joshua had ever encountered was holding court behind the bar, expertly pouring drinks and flirting with the patrons. Tall and lean, with dark spiky hair, high cheekbones, and the most thickly lashed eyes he’d ever seen. A black tee showed off his toned arms and flat stomach. His laughter sent shivers down Joshua’s spine, and that started doing things to his dick.
Want.
