“Not a problem. It was a lot of fun hanging out with you both, but the real world beckons.”
“Right. Can I at least give you money for gas?” Joshua had his wallet out and was shoving a twenty at Van before Van could protest. Everywhere their skin brushed burned with something that scared Van, so he pocketed the money and took a full step backward. “I owe you.”
Van shook his head. “No you don’t. Pay it forward, remember?”
“Pay it forward.”
He grabbed his banana and opened the door. As it fell shut behind him, he was sure he heard Benji ask, “Wasn’t that a movie?”
It was a movie. A movie with a fucking depressing ending, which cemented his decision to leave Benji and Joshua alone.
Except he spent the entire drive home missing them both, and that sucked balls.
EIGHT
Benji triedto hide his disappointment over Van’s abrupt departure with a movie joke that Joshua didn’t even hear, because Joshua wasn’t looking at him. He was staring at the closed hotel room door with an expression that Benji could only describe as devastated.
And why wouldn’t he be? Van’s turned him down twice. That’ll bruise anyone’s ego.
But Benji knew Joshua too well to dismiss the reaction that easily. His ego wasn’t bruised. He was genuinely hurt, because he was genuinely attracted to Van in a way that Benji simply did not understand. Yes, Van was gorgeous. Yes, Van was funny and interesting and incredibly kind to two drunken fools, going so far as to bring them food to nurse their hangovers. Yes, he was someone Benji wouldn’t have minded getting to know better, had he stuck around. And if he asked, he knew deep down that Joshua felt the same way about Van.
The thing Joshua felt though, the thing Benji didn’t feel, was a different kind of desire for Van. A physical desire that showed clearly in his wounded expression. A desire so strong it stabbed Benji in the gut. Joshua had turned that intense sexual desireonto Benji numerous times, to the great delight of them both, and Benji regretted nothing.
No, that wasn’t true. Benji’s biggest regret now was also his greatest joy. His selfish insistence on closing their relationship had helped put that expression on Joshua’s face. Yes, the idea of a threesome with Van sounded hot and probably would have probably ended with several amazing orgasms, but Van had seemed terrified by the idea of being with them both. It didn’t hurt Benji’s feelings.
He hurt for Joshua. In trying to prove to himself that he was enough for Joshua, Benji had also hurt him by denying him a chance to be with someone he so clearly wanted. The entire thing was just too fucking complicated, and it made Benji want to scream. He needed so badly to be enough for Joshua, but what if he weren’t? What if he never truly would be? What if Benji’s insistence on exclusivity was what broke them in the end?
“Go after him,” Benji said, chest tight and eyes hot.
Joshua’s head swiveled in his direction, his devastation melting into owl-eyed shock. “Do what?”
“Go after Van, Josh. I can see how much you want to.”
“But . . .” He frowned, his confusion both heartbreaking and intensely adorable. “I don’t understand. He left. He doesn’t want us.”
“You’re right.Usis too much. But he clearly wants you, and don’t patronize me by saying you don’t want him right back. A lot.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Joshua stood and crossed the few feet of space between them. He rested his hands on Benji’s waist and squeezed. “It’s you and me from now on, remember?”
“But I’m giving you permission. With Van.”
Joshua blinked hard several times, leaving his lashes damp but his eyes clear. “God, I love you so fucking much right now, Ben. But no. I’m not going after him.”
Relief broke inside Benji’s chest, and he sagged against Joshua, looping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. Holding him tighter. One of Joshua’s hands slid up to press between his shoulder blades, while the other blatantly palmed his ass. Benji pressed a kiss to the side of Joshua’s neck, encouraging him to take what he wanted. They hadn’t been together in months, and yesterday’s blow job wasn’t nearly enough for the gift Joshua had just given him.
“We don’t have to check out for another hour,” Benji said, nibbling at the spot behind Joshua’s ear that always got him going.
“You sure you want to?”
Benji pinched his ass, which got him a sharp yelp. “Yes, damn it.”
“Sorry.” Joshua pressed a contrite kiss to his mouth. “I’msorry.I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of Van, and I’m sorry I keep doubting what you want.”
“I understand, believe me.” Benji nuzzled at Joshua’s neck more, very aware of the erection pressing into his hip. “When I started wondering if I was ace, I took a long, hard look at our past together, and I can say now and however many times you need to hear it that you never forced me. I love giving you pleasure, and I love watching you come. You look so . . . innocent. It’s beautiful.”
Joshua caught him in a hard, claiming kiss then, growling softly as Benji surrendered. A hot tongue thrust into his mouth, seeking, licking, tangling with Benji’s. Hands slipped below the waist of Benji’s shorts and squeezed his ass, groping and kneading. The urgency clued him in that this was going to be hard and dirty, and Benji was very much okay with that.
Whatever Josh wants.
