Benji huffed. “Did you hear me? This isn’t about fucking around with random dudes. This would be you and me agreeing on one guy to have together, as a committed couple who love each other.”
He still couldn’t get any of this to track with what Benji had told him yesterday about his sexuality. “Is this some kind of test?”
“What?”
“A test. A trick question. Some sort of way of finding out if I meant what I said yesterday about us being exclusive. Because you told me you don’t want to have sex with anyone else, that you needed the emotional bond we created before we had sex the first time, and now you’re telling me something completely different.”
Benji’s face crumpled. “Really, Josh? You think this is me trying to trick you? Are you kidding?”
“What am I supposed to think? One day we’re a twosome, and the next day you want to have a three-way?”
“Look, I’m confused by this, too.” Benji climbed off the bed and paced to the opposite wall near a wooden dresser. “I’m still figuring out what it means to be ace, okay? And I didn’t say I wanted to let someone else besides you fuck me. I don’t think I could do that.”
“Okay.” Joshua hated the distance between them, and he hated the way Benji seemed to shrink. He got up, yanked thecoverlet off the foot of the bed, and went over to wrap them both up in it. Benji leaned into him, and Joshua held him while fine tremors ran down his arms and shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry.”
“Me too. This is coming out all wrong.”
“Then let me ask you a question. Before Van brought it up, had you ever given serious thought to a three-way?”
“Not serious thought.”
“Casual thought?”
“Last night, seeing you standing beside Van, both of you guys eye-fucking each other? It made me think about you two together. And then Dani made a joke about the three of us getting it on, and waking up with Van in our bed brought that mental image back like a freight train.”
Joshua couldn’t stop the shiver that tore down his spine, and goddammit, his dick was betraying him again. His erection pressed into Benji’s hip, but Benji didn’t comment or move away. “The three of us, huh? You just watching? Or also participating?”
“Watching. I mean, I like Van well enough, and he seems like a fantastic guy, but I don’t know him.”
“And if you got to know him?” The mental image of Van and Benji together was very much fucking with his head right now, and he resisted the need to rut against Benji’s hip.
“I don’t know. This is all theoretical, anyway.”
“And probably unlikely.” Joshua grunted. “Van has flat out told me he avoids complications, so I don’t see him agreeing to participate, even if we asked him.”
“Oh.” Benji almost sounded disappointed. “Well then, I guess that’s that.”
Knowing that Van would likely say no to the invitation into their bed had made the entire threesome topic a mootpoint? Interesting. And telling. Benji’s interest was about Van specifically, not a three-way in general.
Benji pressed his hip against Joshua’s wood. “I’d offer to help you with that, but my brain is going to leak out of my skull at any moment.”
“Mine too.” Joshua kissed him briefly on the mouth. “Let’s go take a shower. Maybe the steam will help clear our heads.”
“Okay.”
Van dawdled over his choices at the convenience store longer than necessary, taking way too long to find such simple things as bottled water, travel-sized ibuprofen packs, and a few premade sandwiches. He wasn’t hiding, though. Not even a little bit.
Fuck it. Yes, I am.
He’d had an amazing time with Benji and Joshua last night. They were both funny, engaging guys whose love for each other radiated off them like sunbeams, and he’d enjoyed basking in that love for a while. Pretending he was part of it, when he was actually an outsider being entertained for the evening as an extended thank you for fixing their relationship.
Well, he didn’t want any more thanks. He didn’t want their gratitude. After last night, Van knew good goddamn well that he wanted Joshua and Benji. He’d spent most of the night with a raging boner for both men, and watching them peel back layer after layer of clothing during their hilariously inept attempts at playing strip poker had been torture. He could look all he wanted, but he could not fucking touch.
For all of Van’s hookups over the years, every single one of them had been stone cold sober and full of enthusiastic consent. And despite both Joshua and Benji getting a bit handsy withhim in those final minutes before passing out, he’d kept his own hands to himself.
Then he’d gone into the bathroom and jerked off to memories of the pair writhing around in bed together.
He needed to take his groceries over to the hotel, drop them off, and then leave. Joshua could figure out his own way home. Van should put distance between himself and a perfectly happy couple who did not need him panting after both of them like some sort of lovesick puppy. And he wasn’t. Panting. Nope.
