Joshua held his gaze for a long moment while a thousand different things filled the air between them. Everything from regret to lust to satisfaction. Then he blinked. “Yeah, I did choose him.”
Van nodded. “As you were meant to.”
Except Joshua didn’t agree. He stared at him, seemingly unable to commit to an answer, and that should have been Van’s signal to walk away. To go back to the hotel, get his car, and drive home. Stop interfering, stop flirting, stop wanting to get Joshua under him in bed. Stop wanting to see Joshua and Benji naked together, while Van watched. He needed to be the bigger man and walk the fuck away.
But the draw he felt, first to Joshua, and to a lesser degree to Benji, was unlike anything he’d ever known. In his entire adult life, he’d never had such complicated feelings for another person, much less two at the same time. It had to mean something.
Except they’re exclusive now, and you’re shit out of luck.
Van took a deliberate step backward.
Joshua turned and walked away, and somehow Van managed not to stare at his ass.
Tonight was going to be all kinds of awkward.
This is going to be so awkward.
In between working with the band and stage crew to set up their equipment, Benji spent a lot of time watching Van and Joshua interact backstage. Van was sexy as hell, smelled amazing, and he hadn’t been able to hide his reaction to seeing Joshua very well. Joshua, too, had body language that screamed “I want you” with every slow rock of his hips or soft peal of laughter. Benji wasn’t able to hear what they were talking about, but he’d been around gay men long enough to know what was happening.
They wanted each other.
And Benji had finally closed the door on his relationship with Joshua, which meant a whole lot of look-but-don’t-touch for his boyfriend from now on. Look-but-don’t-touch with a very hot, gorgeous guy who bartended at a local watering hole that Joshua could frequent as often as he wanted, because he now lived nearby.
Maybe he should have let Joshua get Van out of his system before closing the relationship. One last chance for Joshua to fuck around, blow off some steam with a guy he couldn’t seem to stop eye-fucking with Benji in close proximity. The mental image of Joshua and Van together, handsome as they both were, was intensely appealing, and Benji seriously needed to stop with those thoughts.
Except he couldn’t help wondering if he’d somehow set Joshua onto the path of fulfilling his worst fear about becominga cheater, because it was clear to anyone who looked at them that Joshua and Van had chemistry to spare.
I got my greatest wish today, but what if that’s what really does doom us in the end?
Nope. Not going there.
Benji stepped around Andy, who was on the floor fiddling with his drum set. The guy was a perfectionist when it came to his equipment, worse than Lincoln had ever been, and Lincoln had been a task-master. Lincoln’s intense focus on making everyone in XYZ the best they could be was why they’d won the Unbound regional competition two summers ago. That same intensity had them playing again this past summer as an opening act—Linc’s first public performance since the car accident. And Benji’s first major musical moment without Joshua by his side.
Benji met the object of his affection’s intense gaze from the wings, stupidly happy to realize that Joshua was staring at him. The adoration in Joshua’s expression made Benji’s insides wobble with relief and joy. He didn’t doubt that Joshua loved him. But with Van standing so close to Joshua, and both men so clearly attracted to each other, Benji began to doubt himself.
Nothing to be done about it now, so he put all of his mental energy into preparing for the performance. He sipped room temperature water, and then began to warm up his vocal chords. A singer since he was a child, he’d found solace in music during the worst of the school bullying. Music had kept the darkness at bay during sleepless nights, nightmares, and a long, terrifying hospital stay. He taught himself to play keyboard so he always had music to sing to, and then music lessons followed when his parents realized how serious he was about performing.
Music had been part of his soul for most of his life, and Joshua always understood that. He’d given Benji freedom to fuck around while they were apart, without knowing Benji didn’tneed anyone else. The core of his relationship with Joshua had never been built on sex, though intellectually he understood Joshua’s need for those hookups.
He found himself staring at Van again, at his barely hidden interest in Joshua, and couldn’t fight a hint of jealousy.
MaybeI’mthe selfish one for closing the relationship.
“Dude, you with us?” Danielle asked, waving a hand in front his face.
Benji jerked his head. “Yeah, I’m here.”
“I hate to ask which one you’re staring at, but hot damn, Van is one sexy motherfucker.”
He chuckled. “You aren’t wrong about that.”
“Don’t tell me you’re regretting closing the relationship. Or are you contemplating a one-time threesome with a hot bartender?”
Picturing Joshua and Van together as a couple was one thing, but Benji in the same room while Joshua and Van had sex? Watching it happen?
His brain broke a little bit.
Danielle giggled. “Well, whatever you’re planning, I’d pay money to see it happen. Three hot gay dudes in bed is like homemade porn.”
