Hell, Benji was super hot, and Van totally would have hit that back in July—except why was Benji hitting on him so hard if he was ace? That was odd. Only not really, because Benji and Joshua had the exclusivity conversation in June. Van didn’t remember seeing Joshua that July night. He hadn’t been with Benji. Had Benji been purposely seeking out a hookup to prove something to Joshua? Or himself?
“What?” Joshua asked. “What’s that look for?”
“Full disclosure? You know the weekend Fading Daze came down to the shore to visit Lincoln and practice for Unbound?”
“Yeah.” Joshua put his sandwich down, once again laser focused. Intense.
“Benji and I got into some heavy flirting at the bar. Things were definitely looking toward future naked times, except I had to leave suddenly to help a friend out of a jam. And that look, my friend? That look on your face is exactly why you don’t want to lose Benji. Jesus.” Van had seen some epic glares of jealousy, but Joshua had the whole “back off, he’s mine” thing down.
Joshua seemed to have trouble getting his facial muscles under control. “Sorry. It’s just, he’s never talked about hooking up with anyone, for obvious reasons now, so I’m not used tohearing about him flirting with other people. Especially—” He cut himself off, then took a big bite of food.
Van was so not having mercy. “Especially what?”
He mumbled something around his mouthful.
Van waited patiently until Joshua had swallowed, then put a hand on his wrist so he didn’t eat more. “Especially what?”
It was hard to tell under the dim lights, but he was sure Joshua blushed. “Especially not with guys I’m into,” he said softly. So soft Van almost missed the confession.
And he kind of wished he had missed it, because the words caressed his skin like the gentlest of fingertips, reminding him of how attracted he was to Joshua. Not that he was going to act on it. This was talking only.
Complicated relationship is mega-complicated.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Van said. “What’s the real reason you won’t commit?”
Joshua finished his second drink, and then flagged the waiter down for a third. Van had a funny feeling he’d be driving the guy home at this point. Some people needed liquid courage in order to be honest about themselves.
Probably why Van didn’t drink.
“My parents are horrible people,” Joshua said once the third drink made its way to the table. “I mean, they didn’t abuse me or my siblings, but they were incredibly toxic together, and for whatever reason, instead of divorcing and trying to be happy apart, they seemed to love making each other miserable by cheating. Constantly. Openly. They didn’t even try to hide it from us kids.”
Van tried to digest that tidbit. His own parents hadn’t been fonts of love and acceptance, but they seemed to care for each other. Respected each other and the roles they played in the marriage. “That sucks, Joshua. Really sucks. But what does that have to do with Benji?”
“They were married. In a committed relationship. But they still cheated all over each other. I just . . .” Joshua’s face scrunched up. “I’m fucking terrified that closing the relationship is the beginning of the end. That one of us will meet someone we’re intensely attracted to.” He glanced at Van’s face, then back at the table. “I’m scared one of us will cheat, and I couldn’t stand it if Benji ever cheated on me. Or if I did on him. It wouldkillme.”
The genuine grief in Joshua’s voice hammered his words home and made Van’s heart ache for him. “Do you honestly think, especially knowing what you know now, that Benji would ever cheat on you?”
“No.” Joshua didn’t pause to think.
“Do you think you’d cheat on him?”
“I don’t know. My parents are serial cheaters. My sister cheated on her husband. One of my brothers cheated on a girlfriend with two other chicks. I guess I’m scared that it’s genetic, you know?”
Van frowned. “So the open relationship loophole gives you an out. You sleep with someone else, you don’t have to feel guilty about it?”
Joshua opened and shut his mouth several times. “I don’t know. I never thought about it like that.”
At that point, Van wasn’t sure if he wanted to smack Joshua in the face or give him a hug. And his indecision made him all kinds of determined. “Dude, if you really love Benji, and you want to be with him, then fucking man up, close it up, and grovel for his forgiveness. Being a good partner means trusting the other person and trusting yourself. You can’t live your life expecting to turn out like your parents.”
Words everyone ought to live by, no matter their childhood. And that sealed Van’s decision to see this through. “Tell yourself you’re not them, Joshua, and go get your boyfriend back.”
FIVE
A gentle rockingmotion clued Joshua into the general oddity of his current situation, as he slowly began to wake. The haze of a hangover lingered, leaving his stomach queasy and his eyes aching, and the motion wasn’t helping. He blinked into sunshine, surprised to realize he was in someone’s car, belted into a reclined seat.
“The hell?”
“Good afternoon, sunshine.” Familiar voice. Driver.
