Van dropped his phone, done with the voice on the other end. He never should have answered. Kirby never should have brought the past back into his present—except Kirby had no reason to suspect that Brady’s death still haunted him.
And still had the power to break him.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. To himself? To Brady? To God?
Van had no idea.
Joshua let himself into Van’s apartment a little after six, not at all surprised to find Melody lounging on the couch. They greeted each other, and then he went into the kitchen to rustle up a quick dinner. Van should already be at work, and Joshua had plans to spend a few hours at the bar. It had become his habit, now that he was working a nine-to-five job again, and even though he went to bed alone, he woke up with Van beside him.
He threw together a veggie wrap out of the assorted things in the fridge. He’d dropped a few pounds since getting with Van,picking up on the healthy eating lifestyle, and even doing yoga once or twice a week. Never at the beach, though. He didn’t dare try it in a public place until his form was better. Plus it was hella cold outside now.
Plus, watching Van do downward dog always gave him inappropriate thoughts.
“You eat, Mel?” Joshua asked.
“I’m meeting Adrian for dinner at seven, thanks.” The couch squeaked, and then her soft footsteps swished across the wood floor. “You know, you spend so much time here, you should just move in and give me your room at the beach house.”
He nearly choked on his first bite of the wrap. Once he got that down with some cranberry juice, he said, “Do what now?”
“You really haven’t thought about it? Do you ever sleep in your own bed?”
“Not really.” Her suggestion made a lot of sense, actually, and the other house was closer to where Adrian lived, but . . . “Seems kind of fast to be living together.”
“You three have been dating for almost three months. Some people move in after a few days.”
Joshua tried to imagine living with Van full-time. The closest thing Joshua had ever come to living with Benji was during those months of post-accident recovery, but Benji had hardly been home because of Fading Daze. Moving in was so . . . permanent. And sort of terrifying on a completely new level.
Melody smiled. “Okay, honey, since you look like you’re about two seconds from shitting your shorts, how about I bring it up in casual conversation? Because honestly? I love Van, but his sofa bed isn’t all that comfortable. A lady needs a room of her own.”
True story. And it would be nice for Joshua and Van to have complete privacy when their schedules allowed them a few hours together.
His phone rang, saving him from discussing it further.
Off Beat.
Curious, he answered the call. “Van?” No one else had any reason to call him from that land line.
“No, sweetheart, it’s Beatrice. This is Joshua, right?” She sounded . . . off.
“Yes, it is. What can I do for you?”
“Is Van with you?”
Joshua almost dropped his phone. “No, he should be at work.”
“He’s not here, and he isn’t answering my calls. It isn’t like him to miss a shift without notifying me. He hasn’t done it once in five years.” Genuine worry bled through in Beatrice’s tone.
“I haven’t seen him since this morning, but he texted me at lunch.” Joshua turned to meet Melody’s concerned gaze. “Mel, have you heard from Van lately?”
“No,” she replied instantly, then started tapping on her own phone.
“Melody’s trying to call him,” Joshua said.
“Right to voice mail.”
“I heard her,” Beatrice said. “Damn it.”
“We’ll keep trying to call him.” Joshua swallowed against a tide of nausea. “I’ll let you know when we hear from him. And vice versa.”
