“No, absolutely not.” I take his hands, a bit by force, but he eventually comes willingly. “Look, I don’t have a lot of experience in the relationship department, and what little I do have is mostly terrible. The women I’ve dated all told me that I’m not boyfriend material.” They meant it, too. Came with receipts and everything. None of it was wrong. I’m uncompromising when it comes to work, running, and my friends. That leaves very few, and often strange, hours for developing a relationship with someone. Offering a date at six in the morning as a substitute for a nice dinner doesn’t cut it.
“That’s ridiculous. You’re not even my boyfriend, and you’re still the best guy I’ve ever been with.” That’s a sad statement about the guys he’s dated in the past. One we should probably discuss another time.
“But what if that’s it? What if it only works because I’m not your boyfriend?” It’s easy to excuse the long hours of a friend. Much harder for a romantic entanglement.
Oliver scoffs. “Seriously? That must be some of the most messed-up logic I’ve ever heard. If you don’t want to be with me, say it. You don’t need to put on an act or make up stories to get rid of me. I might not like it, but I can take it.”
I shake my head. He clearly isn’t getting it. “I know I can be a good friend. It’s all the other stuff that comes into play when things go wrong. I start fucking it up. My schedule is erraticat best. I sleep at strange hours. I get caught up on projects and completely forget what else I’m supposed to be doing. My running schedule is not optional.” I stop short of telling him how they also complained that I wasn’t interesting enough in bed, that I didn’t take enough control of the situation.
“Aaron—”
I cut him off with a bit of a sob that I try to muffle. “I really like you.” I barely get the words out before the tears start.
Great, now I’m crying in the playground parking lot. Fucking great.
“Aaron.” Even with a tinge of pity in his tone, I love the way he says my name. I can hear the two As at the front. “Come here.”
I fall easily into his embrace. The console digs into my abdomen, but I’m willing to ignore it for a few minutes so I can have his strong arms wrapped around me. It takes a few minutes and a lot of deep breathing before I’m able to pull myself together entirely. When I sit back up, Oliver’s deep brown eyes are examining me.
“We don’t have to change anything if you don’t want to.” His tone is guarded. It’s not what he wants and, if I’m being honest, it’s not what I want either. I want more of Oliver and his sunshine in my life.
But dating is not one of my strong points. Running makes sense. Machines make sense. People are challenging, especially when it comes to romance. As friends, Oliver and I have been doing great. Our conversation and banter come easily. I love hanging out with him, whether we’re watching TV, crocheting, or doing nothing. I don’t even mind running with him, which is high praise.
And I’d be lying if I said we didn’t have chemistry in the bedroom. What I thought had been a fluke has only gotten betterwith time. I swear Oliver is studying my body, coming back each week with new ways to make me fall apart.
So maybe dating wouldn’t be so bad. If we take it slow and keep the pressure off, perhaps I can avoid all the issues I’ve had in the past.
“What if we did some beta testing?”
“I’m sorry, what?” Oliver looks at me like I’m losing my mind. Maybe I am if I’m suggesting something like this. I’m panicking, though, afraid I’m about to lose Oliver once and for all.
“We can take dating for a test drive. Low stakes to try and work out any of the bumps. That way, there’s less pressure on us to make it work.” Yeah, it sounds wild even when I try to explain it.
“I guess that makes sense.” His furrowed brow says otherwise. “Like when I read an early version of a book to check and see if there are issues with it.” Oliver bobs his head from side to side, like he’s rolling the idea around in his brain. God, I hope he concludes that it’s worth it. That I’m worth it. “Okay. We can try that. What are the conditions here?”
“No conditions, but maybe we could not tell anyone just yet? That way, we can work out the problems before everyone knows.” And I can figure out how to tell my friends about us. That part scares me almost as much as dating. I should’ve been honest with them from the beginning, but now that so much time has passed, it feels impossible. They’re going to want to know when it started. Telling them about that first night is going to go over like a ton of bricks. I can already picture Matthias’s disappointed face.
“I guess that would work. Just while we’re in the beta phase, though, right?”
“Right.”
“And while we’re doing that, we wouldn’t be dating anyone else? No other beta testing?”
“No, I want you all to myself.” My face heats at the admission. I’ve wondered multiple times if Oliver’s still on apps, trying to find someone. It takes a lot of restraint to keep from asking him about it, especially when he’s unavailable on a given night.
“Same.” A big grin spreads across his face. It gives me a sense of pride knowing that I made him feel that way. Maybe I won’t be shit at being a boyfriend this time.
CHAPTER 14
AARON
I’m the worst boyfriend on the planet. Oliver and I are a whole week into dating, and it’s already a disaster. It’s not a good sign for the future of our relationship. If I even still have a relationship after I make this phone call. At least I’m smart enough to know this isn’t a text message conversation.
“Hey,” Oliver says when he picks up on the fifth ring. “Hold on a sec.”
There’s a lot of banging in the background, accompanied by several curses. Maybe I should’ve texted first. This is obviously a bad time. Worse, I doubt whatever’s going on will put him in a good mood to hear my news.
“Okay, I’m back.” He sounds a little bit out of breath, but overall okay. “I made a huge mistake and decided to reorganize my bookshelves by genre. Only, it turns out there are several genres I have only one or two books in, so I had to make somehard decisions about classifications. You know what, nevermind. What’s up? Are we still on for this evening?”
