“Stop.” I give Jane my best stern look through my webcam. “It’s new.” Well, newish. I’ve managed to work up to running a whole mile. Not impressive by any stretch of the imagination,but I’m proud of it. Which is why I’m rewarding myself with half a pint of my favorite chocolate caramel swirl ice cream.
Fine, I’ll probably eat the whole pint tonight. It’ll be served in two portions, though, so it doesn’t count. “I’m trying to be healthier.”
“You know I can see you, right? You’re eating ice cream for dinner.”
“It’s called balance. You should get some.” Maybe then she’d be so busy after this call that she wouldn’t tell our sibling group chat about my new hobby. “Then you could leave me alone.”
“You called me, baby brother.”
“I’m not a baby,” I remind her for the zillionth time. I already know what she’s going to say next.
“You’ll always be a baby to me,” we say at the same time.
“Is this why you missed our chat on Wednesday? The girls missed getting to talk to you.”
Wow. Straight to the guilt trip, then. “I’ll make it up to them this weekend with an extended video chat.”
“Or you could come stay with us. They’d love to see their favorite uncle.”
“Oh, is Daniel going to be at your house?” He’s the second youngest and the other physician in the family. He always comes carrying big bags of candy from his trips overseas. It’s hard to compete against an assortment of global goodies. The best I can do is crocheted animals. I do have a set of dragons that I recently finished that I’m going to gift to them. I finished the last one on Wednesday while Aaron worked on his afghan. He’s made slow but steady progress. The strawberries are starting to appear in the pattern enough that it’s clear what it’s going to be when he finishes.
I’d say if, but Aaron’s proven to me that if he starts something, he’s definitely going to finish it, even if I make himtake out four complete rows of work because he missed a repeat in the pattern.
That was a fun day. I thought he might chuck the whole project out my window. I wouldn’t blame him either. I’ve had that urge many times in my life. A few of my old pieces might be buried somewhere in my parents’ backyard.
They know what they did.
“Don’t be ridiculous. The twins adore you. Come and stay with us. I’m worried about you.”
“Why?” I ask, as though the answer isn’t obvious. Jane’s been on the receiving end of increasingly frantic text messages over the last week and a half. It’s not that anything’s wrong, more that I’m struggling. It’s not new, but it tends to happen when I’m preoccupied with something. Or, in this case, someone. Aaron consumes my thoughts, even when he’s not here. When I agreed to be friends with him, I thought having some of Aaron would be better than having none of him at all. I’m not taking that back, but only having a portion of him leaves me feeling a bit… empty.
“Oliver, I can see your apartment through the camera. It’s a disaster. My guess is your work is the same way. You’re behind. Let me help you.”
This is why I left my hometown. As much as I loved it there, my siblings were always in my business. Yes, I’m struggling right now. Would I love to have someone step in and fix everything for me? Of course. Who wouldn’t? I can do it, though. I can get my shit together, catch up on work, and clean my apartment without one of my siblings staring over my shoulder.
“I appreciate it, Jane. Really. I just… I can do it on my own.” I’ve spent more than enough years in therapy learning all sorts of coping mechanisms. It’s time to put them all to good use. “I know you want to help, but this is something I want to handle myself.”
She sighs and shakes her head. I wonder if she does the same thing when her patients won’t listen to her? Her kids certainly see it enough. She means well, but she’s bailed me out so many times over the years. It’s not fair to her or her family to have me along for the ride.
“Please don’t tell Mom and Dad,” I add, which only adds to the feeling of me being the youngest sibling. “I’ve got a plan. This weekend I’ll get the whole thing put back together.” Or at least two-thirds of it.
“Does this have anything to do with that new friend of yours? The one you have a huge crush on?”
“Maybe.” I’ve never been a good liar, especially to Jane. She’s so much older than me, already off to medical school when I was born, that sometimes it’s like having a second mom. “We’re friends.”
“And I’m guessing he’s the reason for your sudden interest in physical fitness?”
I’m not answering that question.
“Well, at least he’s a good influence.” She turns her head to the side. “Girls, be ready to go in five minutes.” There’s a crash and some shrieking, but it doesn’t even faze my sister. “Just take care of yourself. If you need a break, the guest bedroom is always available to you.”
“Thanks.” I close my computer before she can say anything else. If she pushed, I’d probably cave and end up at her place this weekend, hiding out in the treehouse with her kids. Just because I’m not thrilled with the current state of my life is no reason to run away.
I can fix it. All of it.
Step one: clean the living room.
Step two: get Aaron out of my mind.
