My wife who’s giving me such a patient look I know I’m totally busted.
“If you want me to take a test, you have to promise me it won’t ruin your night if it’s negative. It’s really early and it’s only been two months of trying. It can take a while, and we don’t know if my fertility was affected with that procedure.”
I cross my fingers behind my back like a ten-year-old and give her a quick peck. “I promise…”…not to make it obvious I’m bummed.I make another internal promise to quit lying.
When I lean back I see her eyes squinting at me. I’m afraid this perfect person of mine can read me like a book.
“I don’t believe you, but I’ll do it anyway.” She spins away and heads for the bathroom.
And like a loyal dog, I follow along behind her.
Ellie pauses and turns, a single eyebrow raised, stopping me in my tracks. “Are you planning to watch me pee in a cup?”
Am I not supposed to?The way she’s asking makes me think I’m not. She must see the confusion on my face because she sighs and then grabs my hand, turning back toward the bathroom. Ellie drags me inside and shuts the door. She releases my hand and moves to the medicine cabinet, setting the pack of tests down on the counter. As she grabs a disposable cup, she turns to me. “Face the door.”
I open my mouth to object and then think better of it. At least she let me in here. I angle my body away from the toilet.
“Do you want to open one of those tests while you wait?”
I blindly reach to the counter next to me, feeling around until I touch the bag. Man, I really hope we don’t have to use all of these. There must be a hundred. I remove one and open the packet, revealing a narrow test strip.
When I hear the toilet flush and lid close, I turn around and hold it up for Ellie to see. “It’s so small.”
She laughs and sets the cup on the counter before grabbing the test from me. “Yep, you don’t really need much to detect HCG.” I watch as she dips the tip in and holds it for a few seconds. Then she pulls it out and balances it flat on top of the cup.
“How long should it take?”
She hums. “Maybe a couple of minutes? Let me go read the packaging.”
Ellie wanders over to the other side of me to grab the bag. I move closer to the test strip and study it as the test area darkens. One line shows up right away, I’m guessing the control line? I look at the area where there would presumably be another, but only see something faint.Damn.
“I think it’s negative. The second line is really faint. You can hardly see it,” I tell Ellie.
It’s quiet for a moment. “Second line?”
“Yeah, it’s so light compared to the other one.” I try to hide my disappointment as I straighten from my position and turn to Ellie. Her face is unusually pale and she’s staring where the test still sits over the cup on the counter. “Are you o?—”
Ellie pushes past me to grab the little strip and holds it up to her face.
“Holy shit.” The words are whispered, barely audible despite the surrounding silence. And unnervingly out of the ordinary for my little non-cusser.
“Ellie?” I venture. “Did we do the test wrong?”
She ignores me and walks over to the toilet, dropping onto the closed seat. She’s still staring at the test. I follow her and peer down at it. Everything looks the same as before.
“Baby, is something wrong? We knew it would probably be negative, right?” If one of us was going to react badly to a negative test, I would’ve put money on it being me. Hence the childish crossed fingers behind my back earlier.
Ellie clears her throat. “This is…” I watch her swallow and then angle the test toward me. “It’s, um, positive.”
What?I squint at the test and see exactly the same lines as when I first looked. One is dark and the other is just barely a line. That can’t be positive, right? Maybe the test is faulty? I look at Ellie and then back at the test. Then back to Ellie. She still looks pale. Is she worried because a faint line is a bad sign? My heart rate picks up as if my body is reacting to the news before I can even process it. But I don’t think I even want to process it until I figure out Ellie’s reaction.
Why does my wife not look happy if the test is positive? I swallow the emotions trying to escape, and kneel in front of her. Gently taking the test from Ellie, I set it on the counter.
“Positive is good, right? You want this?”
She’s silent but she nods at me, albeit a little frantically.
“Okay, good. You’re happy then?”
