I’m not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. But knowing Jackson is already hooking up with other people is enough to push me out of my comfort zone.
“Okay.” I nod. “Fine.”
“Okay! Thank God,” Maeve gushes. “I’m glad you said yes because I already set it up. Tomorrow at three. Wear something cute and casual. I’ll send you the details.”
“Maeve!” Val scolds. “You’re incorrigible.”
“I need a drink.” I can’t believe I just agreed to a blind date. “Anyone else?”
“Yes, please!” Jamie raises her hand.
“I’ll take another.” Sarah lifts her glass.
“I’ll help you.”
Asher takes my hand and drags me into Val’s kitchen. He and I work together to mix another round of prickly pear martinis as the chatter from our friends carries through the screen door. My pulse slowly returns to its normal rate and I think I might just survive this night.
“You hooked up with him,” Asher says under his breath. “Didn’t you?”
My body stills, but I school my face.
“Who?”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. But good for you. It’s okay to put your own needs first sometimes. Take all the time you need to figure it out before telling Maeve. Your secret’s safe with me.”
“There’s nothing to tell.” I press my lips together and make a decision. I trust Asher with my hair—so basically, my life. He bailed me out the other night without question. He won’t shame me or tell anyone. And I can’t hold this secret in any longer. I need to tell someone. “It’s over. It never really started. It couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry, babe.”
“Don’t be. It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“Tell your face,” he teases.
I take a deep breath and ignore the sour feeling in my stomach. “We agreed ahead of time that it was casual. And temporary.”
“You set rules for your fling.” He groans, pouring the mixed alcohol into an empty glass. “God, that’s so on brand.”
I roll my eyes. “Boundaries. I set boundaries.”
He hands me another drink to add to the tray we’re filling.
“That’s all well and good, but sometimes feelings get involved. You can’t control everything, even if you want to.”
Ain’t that the damn truth.
“I’m aware.”
“It’s okay to want more.”
“No. It’s not. Not for me. Not with him.” I shake my head as I add a garnish to each drink. “We should probably get back out there.”
“Okay, but tell me one thing first.” He rinses the shaker and sets it on the drying rack.
“What?”
“He was big, right?”
“Asher!” I chide.
