“Thanks,” I reply. “But you didn’t have to make anything.”
“Are you used to people not apologizing to you?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
“Everyone said they were sorry for knowing and not telling you,” he replies, “but I’m the only one you haven’t forgiven.”
“Why do you say that?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.
“For one, the look on your face,” he says, a hint of amusement in his voice. “You’ve been looking at me all day like you want to punch me, which is fair. I had a hundred chances to tell you, and I didn’t. Not because I couldn’t, but because I didn’twant you thinking I only slept with you because I knew we were going to get married.” He exhales slowly. “I’m not going to say I tried to tell you. I didn’t. That’s on me.”
He comes around the island and stops in front of me. I haven’t moved, hanging on every word.
“I’m not asking you to sleep with me tonight or even tomorrow,” he says quietly. “I’m not asking you to love me. I’m asking you to eventually trust me.”
I swallow hard. “It’s not that I won’t forgive you. It’s that you slept with me knowing this was coming. It feels like some kind of… try-before-you-buy thing.”
“Absolutely not. That’s not what I was doing,” he says quickly. “You’re beautiful, Vanessa. Don’t ever forget that. I would never want you thinking I slept with you just because I was going to marry you.” He lets out a slow breath. “Is that why you’re pissed? Because you think I fucked you to test you out, as you so eloquently put it? That’s nowhere near what was going through my head. I wanted you because I’m attracted to you. Because I think you’re hot. The whole getting married two weeks after meeting you part?” He smirks. “That was just an added bonus.”
I smirk back. “Just so you know, I’m not forgiving you completely yet. But that little speech is getting you closer.”
“Good,” he says with a small smile. He heads back to the island and lifts both plates. “Let’s eat out on the patio.”
When we step outside, I notice the soft lights that used to be in my bedroom now strung along the railing. A small table waits there with a bottle of wine, turning the space into something that feels almost intimate.
“Since we didn’t have a proper reception, I figured we’d make our own,” he says.
“You did all of this?” I ask.
“Most of it,” he admits. “The people who moved your stuffhelped me set up the lights and the table, but yeah. I did it.” He smiles.
He turns on some soft music, not too loud, just enough to fill the space. Then he pours us both wine and we sit down. He’s made tacos, which tells me someone tipped him off about my favorite meal. The carne asada is cooked perfectly, topped with onions and cilantro.
We eat for a few moments, and I can feel him watching me from across the table.
I look up at him and meet his stare. “What?” I ask softly.
“Nothing, I, um…” he pauses.
“How did you know tacos are my favorite?”
“Favorite, huh?” He looks at me, confused.
“Yeah, I know it’s weird considering I grew up in Utah, but my mom was originally from Texas, so Mexican food and Tex Mex were basically what I ate every day before she died.”
“Well, now I know. I’ll make you Mexican instead of Italian.” He has a smile on his face again.
“I don’t need you to cook specifically what I want.”
“I know, but this makes it more interesting for me since I don’t cook Mexican food often.” He lifts his hand and brushes the corner of my mouth, wiping something away. “You had something on your face.”
Part of me wants to forgive him right now and kiss him. The other part wants to see how long he’ll try to earn it. Before I can even think, he steps closer, his thumb sliding over my cheek as he looks at me like he could devour me right here. He leans in and kisses me, his hand drifting down my neck, his thumb tracing my jaw. I press my hands to his chest for balance.
He pulls back and meets my eyes. “There’s one other thing I need to apologize for. I’m sorry about the last time we had sex. If you don’t want to do it like that again, we don’t have to.”
“Oh, that’s not at all what I thought,” I say quickly. “I reallyliked it. Everything about that day just hit me all at once, and I froze.”
He exhales, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. “I’m not going to make you do it again until you’re ready, but that does make me feel a little better.”
