"I'll explain. I promise." Her voice is gentle but firm. "But first you need to get warm and eat something. You look like you're about to collapse."
The cabin interior is warm. It's solid. It's safe in a way I haven't felt since this nightmare started. Zeb disappears into a back room with Magnus. It's probably a strategy discussion. That leaves me with Caryn in a kitchen that smells like coffee and woodsmoke.
She puts a mug in my hands. I wrap my fingers around it and let the heat seep into frozen joints. We sit at a rough-hewn table. She doesn't push. She waits for me to be ready.
"You stayed." I finally manage. "You found him and you stayed."
"I found him. Fell in love with him. Couldn't leave." Voice simple. Honest. "This is the life I chose."
"Are you happy?"
"Happier than I ever was before." Leans forward. Eyes serious now. "What about you? Magnus. Is he?—"
"I love him." Words surprise me even as I say them. Not what I wanted. Not what I expected. But true. Undeniable. "I know what he is. What he does. I watched him kill people today and I'm here anyway."
Caryn nods slowly. No shock. No judgment. Just understanding. "Men like them aren't safe. Not civilized. But they're honest about what they are. And when they commit, they commit completely."
"How do you live with it?" My voice drops. Raw. "Violence. Danger. Knowing what they're capable of."
"Because the alternative is worse." She squeezes my hand. "Going back to a life where I was safe but empty. Where I followed all the rules and smiled at faculty parties and felt nothing. This? This is real. Raw. Sometimes terrifying. But I'm alive in a way I never was before."
"I watched him kill three men." Need her to understand. "Just. Pulled the trigger. No hesitation. No remorse. Like it was nothing."
"It wasn't nothing." Caryn's voice is firm. "But it was necessary. And that's the difference. Men like Zeb and Magnus, they don't kill for pleasure. They kill to survive. To protect. Would you rather Magnus hesitated? Let them kill you both?"
"No." Immediate. Certain. "No, I'm glad he didn't hesitate."
"Then you accept what he is. You can't separate the darkness from the rest of them. It's all part of who they are. Violence and protection. Danger and absolute certainty. Either you accept all of it or none of it. There's no middle ground with men like them."
I think about Magnus. The way he checked me for injuries with shaking hands after the shootout. Concern and something more was in his voice when he asked if I was hurt. His focus was absolute focus when he was eliminating threats. Two sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other.
"I accept it." Saying it out loud makes it real. "All of it. The darkness included."
Caryn smiles. It's sad and knowing and relieved all at once. "Then you'll be okay. It won't be easy. But you'll be okay."
Later, Magnus and I are alone in the bedroom. Zeb and Caryn gave us their room for the night. It's privacy we desperately need after the day we've had. The tension that's been building all day finally has room to expand.
"You killed three men today." I state it as fact.
"I did." He's watching me. He's waiting for judgment.
"They were going to kill us."
"Yes."
"You did what you had to."
"Yes." His voice is flat. There's no apology. There's no justification. It's just fact.
I cross the space between us. I stand close enough to feel his heat. "I love you."
He goes still. He's absolutely motionless. He's watching me like he's not sure he heard correctly.
"I love you." I repeat. "I know what you are. I've seen what you can do. I'm here anyway. I'm choosing this. I'm choosing you."
His hands come up to frame my face. They're rough. They're possessive. "You can't take it back once you say it."
"I don't want to take it back."
