“That makes it hard for me to open up to people. Talking to you—as Molly—felt safer, somehow. Easier to be open and honest if you don’t have to look someone in the eye. If there’s no expectation.”
Eva’s gaze was focused on her lap, her fingers playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of her sweater.
“When I found out it was you—I felt betrayed, though I had no right to. You hadn’t done anything wrong. But it made things real in a way I was utterly unprepared for. Especially after we’d just…” Eva trailed off, and Lily thought of a balcony, of heated kisses and wandering hands. “I was scared. Scared of it meaning something. There you were, the woman I’d been enjoying getting to know, not so out of reach after all.”
Eva took a deep breath, and Lily knew this must be hard for her.
“I pushed you away because I couldn’t handle it. Because I didn’t want to admit I was starting to feel something for you. Because I wasn’t ready for something serious. And honestly, I still don’t know if I am, or if I can be the person you want me to be, but I can’t keep doing what we’re doing. It’s exhausting.”
“Yeah, it is.” Lily felt like she’d lived a lifetime in the past few months. “And I don’t want you to be something you’re not, Eva. I know the real you, remember? That’s the person I want. The one you showed me. The one you keep showing me, though you try so hard not to.”
Eva glanced up. “You want me?”
It could be teasing. It could be flirtatious, but there was no smirk on Eva’s face, only vulnerability. Insecurity wasn’t something Lily would have ever expected to see on Eva, and it made her realize how serious this was for her. How much Eva was trying.
“Yes, I do.” It was the first time she’d ever said it aloud, but it felt right. Lily was tired of denying it. And if Eva couldn’t handle it…well. Better to rip the Band-Aid off now.
“But what if it doesn’t work? What if we’re too different?”
“Then at least we know we gave it a real shot. At least we’ll know for sure. Isn’t it better to have that closure than to keep wondering what might have been?”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“Oh, my God,” Lily said, with enough force that it had Eva’s head jerking toward her. “You think I’m right about something? This is a truly historic moment. Quick, write down the date.”
Eva smacked her in the shoulder, and Lily grinned.
“You’re going to have to direct me as we get closer,” Lily said when she pulled off the freeway.
“I’m surprised you haven’t already figured out where I live.”
“What do you take me for, some kind of stalker?”
“It felt like it, in the beginning.”
“As we’ve already discussed,” Lily said, relaxing now they’d steered to a less serious topic. “It’s not my fault you moved to my hometown.”
“Did you like it? Growing up?”
Lily shrugged. “It was all right. I already told you I had a rough time at school with a few of the other kids. I was glad to get out, but I don’t mind visiting.”
“You don’t live there?”
“I live right by Greenfield. I love my family, but a little distance is nice, too. How about you? Do you like it? It must be weird to go from D.C. to here.”
“It is, but I don’t mind it. I like the quiet.”
Lily had hated that when she’d been younger, but, older and wiser, she could see the appeal it would have. “When did your mom move here?”
“As soon as I left for college. She’d been desperate to for years—too many bad memories of my father in our hometown—but she didn’t want to uproot me.”
Eva always spoke fondly of her mother, and it was a relationship Lily was fascinated by. “Has she been staying alone while you’ve been in D.C.?”
“No, she’s been with a friend. I’m supposed to go and pick her up later.”
“And Franklin?”
“He went with her. He wouldn’t cope in kennels—he’s much too needy.”
