Even though it’s late, I can’t sleep. My phone tells me it’s after one in the morning, but no matter how many times I plump my pillows and count sheep, sleep refuses to come. In the end, I pull on a sweater over my cami and shorts and wander downstairs.
There’s no sign of Angelo or Kane, and the lights are all off. Coco stayed in her bed, but Felix follows me. He rubs his head against my leg as I enter the kitchen.
“No snacks. You’ll get fat,” I tell him when he hops onto the counter and stares longingly at the cupboard where I store his treats.
Treats that mysteriously appeared a few days after he arrived. I suspect Angelo added them to the grocery list. He seems to have bonded with the cat, even though he loves to feign surprise when Felix tries to sit on his lap.
Felix purrs loudly when I open the packet and drop some fish treats on the counter. Leaving him to gobble them up, I fill a glass with cold water from the dispenser.
It’s a mild night, so I decide to sit outside for a bit. Maybe counting stars will trick my brain into thinking it’s sleep time. The alternative is a self-induced orgasm, but I’m not in the mood to give Angelo a free show. He doesn’t deserve it.
To my surprise, Luka is already there, lying on a reclining chair, wearing a loose pair of cotton pants. He doesn’t take any notice of me when I step outside. A pang of hurt rips through me, but I swallow it down.
He’s dealing with a lot right now, so piling on the guilt won’t help.
“Hey,” I say, hoping to trigger a reaction, but I get nothing. So I move to the adjacent recliner, place my glass on the floor, and wait for him to say something.
A yawning chasm of silence stretches between us like a vast, unnavigable ocean. Just when I’m about to give up and leave him alone, he speaks.
“I’m sorry.”
I sit up, confused. “Sorry?”
“Sorry for fucking up.” Felix slinks out of the shadows at the far side of the pool and hops onto the foot of my recliner. He watches Luka for a few seconds and then sits and grooms his glossy coat.
“You have nothing to be sorry about!” How can he possibly blame himself when the evidence clearly shows someone did this to him?
“I should have told Vasily to fuck off.” He grips the edge of the recliner’s wooden frame so hard his knuckles turn white. “I was supposed to call you and then come straight back, but I let him talk me into a drink.”
“It’s okay, Luka.” I reach for him, but he snatches his hand away.
“No, it’s not okay. I’m a fuck-up.” I watch helplessly as he curls in on himself. He’s so paralyzed by self-loathing that he’s pushing me away.
I can’t stand seeing him in pain. None of this is his fault. If anyone is to blame, it’s Lorenzo for fucking with his head so that he automatically blames himself when shit goes wrong.
I refuse to let Luka beat himself up over this.
“Is it my fault a psychopath abducted me and I ended up in Scotland?” My question jolts Luka out of his downward spiral. He turns to me with a shocked expression.
“No, of course not!”
“Then why is this your fault? Someone drugged you against your will. They spiked your drink, Luka. You couldn’t stop what happened next any more than I could prevent what happened to me. I don’t know the details, but it seems like your so-called friend, Vasily, was a part of it.”
Luka says nothing, but I know he knows I’m right, even though he refuses to admit it.
Before he can protest, I crawl off my recliner and move astride his thighs. I place my hands on his cheeks and force him to look at me.
“I love you, which means it hurts me when you shut me out.” His eyes are glossy, and I fight back my own tears. This isn’tabout me, even though I desperately want to cry and scream and rail at the world for hurting him so badly.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats, this time in a voice so faint it’s barely a whisper.
“No more apologies,” I growl. We both need to forget about the last two days, so I do the one thing I know will get him out of his head.
26
Chiara
Luka freezes when I kiss him. For a hot minute I think I’ve made a terrible mistake, but when I try to pull away, he grabs my head and returns the kiss. It turns hot and heavy within seconds.
