“Yeah.” I wasn’t hurt by that. I knew I had a long way to go to get better. Most of my shortcomings came from accessing my magical power so late, and having less practice than those who’d become witches earlier or studied harder to become sorcerers. I still held out hope I could master everything in the coming years.
As long as I was still alive, that was.
“This guy thought he could improve his lot in life by taking a god as a patron and turning himself into a warlock. The problem was the god he chose. Ever heard of Lamashtu?”
“Yes,” I said, recalling Professor Coolidge’s deity class. “A Mesopotamian deity?”
“A cunt is what she is,” Declan growled. “A piece of shit who rose to power thousands of years ago with child sacrifices. This fucking witch was going around kidnapping and killing kids to try and curry favor and make a pact with Lamashtu.”
Dread filled me.
Declan shook his head and sat back in his chair. “He’d been spotted near a shifter school, but the place had good security, plus all the kids who’d been taken had been kidnapped at night. I assumed they were all safe, and that he was just scoping for a new victim. I…fuck,” he hissed, slamming his fist onto his thigh with enough force that I flinched. “I thought the best thing to do was to stake out his place. I figured out where he lived, and I assumed that would be the best way to catch him. I watched his place for three days, and when he didn’t show, I decided to get a little more aggressive. I broke into his place. There was an altarto Lamashtu, with a photo of the school next to a calendar. A date was circled in red. It was thatexactfucking day. When I saw it was eleven in the morning, right in the middle of the school day, I freaked out.
“I sprinted to my car and slammed the gas, trying to get to the school. On the way, I called the alpha and told him what was happening. He said he’d call some of his pack on the police force and tell them to get their asses there.”
Declan’s eyes brimmed with tears. The muscles in his jaw rippled as he clenched his teeth.
“I was first on the scene. I didn’t even bother putting my car into park. I skidded to a stop and jumped out, let the damned thing roll,” he said, his voice tight and thick. “First thing I saw was the principal. The guy was right inside the front door, his throat slit. Blood everywhere. I yanked my gun out and barreled inside. Found two security guys dead in the hall. They’d been blasted with a spell. That’s…that’s when I heard the screams.”
I put a hand on his thigh and squeezed gently. “Declan, you don’t need to keep going. You can stop.”
“I need to say it. I haven’t told this story out loud before. Ineedto get it out.”
Nodding, I kept my hand on him. “Okay.”
“The shouts came from down the hall. I didn’t give a shit about being careful. I rounded a corner and slipped in blood. Another security officer. They had three on duty every day. It was a wolf shifter school, and the alpha’s kid went there. They wanted it to be secure. I guess…I mean… they were probably worried about rival packs, not psychotic witches.
“While I righted myself, the screams tapered off until all I could hear was silence. That was when I knew I was too late, but I kept running in the direction the screams had come from. All fifty kids had been gathered in the auditorium. They were…they were…” A sob tore out of him. Declan pressed his hand to his eyes as if he could block out the memory. “There was so much blood, Veronica. You can’t imagine how much.”
Declan was a strong and stoic man. Seeing him so shattered made my heart hurt. Knowing he’d carried this kind of guilt around all by himself, with no one to talk to, broke my heart.
“The fucker was standing there,” Declan said. “Kaleb Brownstone, a snot-nosed fucking twenty-three-year old. He had a ceremonial dagger in his hand, and he was covered in blood. The prick was chanting to Lamashtu. When he saw me, do you know what he did?” Declan asked, lowering his hand and looking at me.
“I’m not sure I want to know,” I whispered, barely able to find my voice.
Declan nodded, a bitter grin on his lips. “This piece of dogshitsmiledat me. He said, ‘Lady Lamashtu is pleased with the sacrifices’. Before he could say another fucking word, I shot him in the fucking head. Blew his brains out right then and there.
“Less than a minute later, the alpha showed up with reinforcements along with the wolf alpha. Word had spread fast, parents were rushing to the school. Veronica, I’ll never forget the sound that wolf alpha made when he saw his daughter’s limp, lifeless body. I’d never heard a man scream like that. It was like all the happiness he’d ever experienced, and any happiness he mighteverexperience, had been ripped out of his body. It was the sound of joy being torn away from the world.
“I stumbled outside, puked my guts up. Parents came rushing in. There were more of those heartrending cries. They haunt me. The bodies, the lifeless eyes, the screams? Every time I go to sleep, I have nightmares. I have to take these”—he took a pill bottle out of the inside pocket of his jacket—“to sleep without seeing them.”
“Declan, you can’t believe that was your fault,” I said.
“It was my fault,” he said, gripping the pill bottle so tightly his fist shook. “He’d beenseenaround that school. I should have been staking out the school, not his fucking house. I should have told the alpha the fucker had been spotted there. I got complacent. I got sloppy. I fucked up, Veronica. I fucked up and got those kids and staff killed. Every one of those deaths is on me. I retired a week later. Hung it all up and turned into a fucking hermit.”
I knelt in front of him and took his hand in mine. “Declan, you can’t beat yourself up over that. You can’t do that to yourself forever.”
“Who else can I blame?” he said, and some of the bitterness had left his voice, replaced by weary acceptance.
“No one? As much as it fuckingsucks, bad things happen. If you had been at that school, maybe it all would have happened the same way, but instead you’d have gotten killed too.”
He gave a short bark of a laugh. “No great loss there.”
“It would be for me,” I said.
Declan’s eyes moved slowly up my face, from my chin to my lips, before locking on mine. Without taking my gaze from his, I put my hand on his chest. The heat of his body radiated intomine. I could feel his heart hammering, speeding up along with mine. The spicy, sweet smell of his pheromones tinted the air. He wanted me, wanted me the way I wanted him.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I pressed my lips to his. Declan sucked in a breath, but instead of jerking away, he opened his mouth, allowing my tongue to slip in. The softness of his mouth was such a contrast to his hardened and closed-off exterior. His tongue slid over my teeth, and I sucked it, sliding my hand down his stomach.
