Prologue
Felicia
“Are you sure about this?” my father asked as he stood on the tarmac next to me. For him to break protocol that way was so unusual that I nearly whipped my head to the left to look at him. At the last moment, I managed to contain the urge and keep my eyes locked on the General standing to my right. I barely knew the man, but he was here to officially announce the test flight of this top-secret project to a select few with the right clearance.
I truly hated being here, in a damn monkey suit, as I got paraded around and stared at. A woman in the Air Force was no longer a rarity, but one my age about to fly what was possibly the most dangerous and most secret flying machine ever built? Yeah, I could tell there were a few male faces in the crowd that thought perhaps someone else, someone with a few more inches and exterior genitals, would be better suited for the job.
My father’s question wasn’t asked in the same vein—I knew that—but it prickled along my skin anyway. Years of serving in the military still hadn’t given me a thick enough shield against anything that could be perceived as a slight against my abilities. I was an amazing pilot, damn it, and I had climbed the ranks and gotten this historical job through merit, not politics. In fact, I was so bad at politics that I’d gotten more than a few reprimands in my file for mouthing off. The fact that I was here, about to fly a machine that might actually go faster than light, proved itwasabout skill. My skills.
“I’m sure,” I said under my breath as I stared into the faces of men and women who would just as soon see me fail as succeed. The only one who didn’t want me to do this test flight for an altruistic reason was my dad. He feared for my life, and if I had his arguments from last night to go by, he deeply regretted instilling his love for space in me now.
He gritted his teeth at my answer; I could hear the sound of them grinding together. Later, when I had changed into my flight suit and was about to climb aboard the prototype, he tried one last time. “I could make some calls, get you into NASA perhaps. You’d see space in another way, a safer way…” He had to be truly desperate to stop me if he tried to bribe me with the offer of pulling strings. He’d never—not once in his life—used his own status, his high rank, to help advance my career.
I froze on the ladder, then turned my head to look down at where he stood. He was surrounded by the ground crew preparing the prototype ship, all of them staring suspiciously at everything except the man who severely outranked all of us. It was a bold move to speak to me so openly in front of others; it was nothing like Dad.
“Felicia,” he said. His blue eyes peered up at me from beneath his bushy gray brows, and for the first time, I noticed how many wrinkles lined his skin. He was getting old; how had I not seen it happen? When had the change begun? I swallowed roughly as I considered what this truly meant. This test flight, it was supposed to be a short one, but we knew all kinds of things could go wrong. To test a faster-than-light engine… This mission I’d signed up for could be over in just a few blinks of the eye, or last for years. Would he still be here when I got back? Was that what this was all about?
Confronted with my father’s mortality was not how I wanted to start this mission. I wanted to tell him I’d stay—for him—that I would find another way to launch into space and touch the stars I’d always dreamed of. But his stern expression made me snap my mouth shut, and even midway up the ladder, I had to suppress the urge to snap to attention.
“There’s no changing your mind, is there?” he said. My heart pounded in my chest, my mind spinning. Was he coming around right now, just when I was starting to have doubts? The timing had always been terrible between us; I supposed it was poetic to have it happen at a moment like this. “You’ve always wanted to fly farther and higher than anyone. It started on the swings when you could barely walk. I should have known then…” The wry laugh and moist twinkle in his eye made my breath catch.
“Dad…” I didn’t know what to say; the words got stuck in my throat. My eyes went to the massive, gleaming silver ship. A prototype, one of a kind, and faster than anything ever built on Earth. This ship could be the difference between theorizing that life was out there and finding proof. My heart rate spiked with excitement just thinking about it.
Then I looked back at my always-so-powerful, domineering father. The man I’d known all my life to be stern but just, and hard to please. He didn’t look hard to please now; he looked like he was about to cry, and he looked proud too. “You never take anything for granted, do you, Felicia? I wish you weren’t such a risk-taker, but damn it if I’m not impressed. A little jealous, even, that I can’t come with you.”
The laugh that burst from my throat was soggy, his embrace warm and familiar. I still smelled his cologne later, when Ilocked my helmet around my face. I pictured my dad’s words, and the pride on his gruff face when the flight tower talked me through takeoff. Was I making a mistake by doing this? I was firmly on the fence all the way until the nose of the ship breached the atmosphere and I saw stars, bright and pure for the first time, without the protective layers of Earth’s clouds and skies. Then the ship set itself into its stationary orbit, and I got to see Earth itself.
The sight took my breath away. In that moment, I felt like I’d succeeded at everything I’d ever wanted to accomplish. She was beautiful, our world, a gem of blue and green, swirling white clouds spinning lazily across her surface. That was the world I’d always wanted to escape, but only so I could admire her from afar. Damn if it wasn’t worth every moment of blood, sweat, and tears.
It felt like I was living on cloud nine as I ran through each and every test ground control wanted me to run. The prototype performed well beyond expectations until, finally, I was given the green light to test the anticipated Faster-Than-Light drive. It hummed as I flicked it on, thrumming through my bones in a satisfying manner. Not only was my father watching, but so was every person involved in this project—and Earth itself, too. Like the first moon landing, our first manned mission to Mars, or the installation of the Moonbase three years ago, every soul on the planet sat clustered in front of their TVs to find out if it would work.
I was making history. It was no small task, and it settled on my shoulders, heavy and choking. “You have a go, Captain Haines.” Words I’d been waiting for, words I’d been dreading. I responded as trained, activating the FTL drive like I’d done inthe millions of simulations we’d run before this. The course was already set, locked, but I confirmed its coordinates anyway.
“See you on the other side,” I murmured, and there we went. I’d aimed the nose of my ship toward an empty stretch of space, a path that the brainiacs down on the planet had calculated would take me safely past our planet and out of our solar system. I’d careen past Pluto at such speeds I’d never even see the small dwarf planet.
The drive leaped to do my will, and stars blurred; the Earth stretched and warped in my peripheral vision. For a heart-soaring moment, it all seemed to be working perfectly. The solar system was left in the dust in a matter of seconds. Darkness engulfed the prototype, hopefully named “Future,” and that pleasant hum in my bones began to ache until my teeth rattled.
I tried to disengage the drive at the set moment in time, exactly ten seconds after powering it on. First with the computer, then manually, but it wouldn’t respond. My whole body seemed to be shaking apart, pulling in different directions, weightless, too heavy. My mind was blurring, so it was hard to think straight. It would not disengage, no matter what I tried. That left me only one other option: I had to recalculate my route in a loop back to Earth and time it just so that I’d be out of fuel by the time I arrived.
My fingers ached as I forced them over the machine, my teeth aching so badly I thought they were about to fall from my mouth. The computer ran simulations three times to check if we’d calculated correctly, adjusting each time for our rapidly changing location. I could not wait much longer; each passing second diminished my chance that this would work.
Once I was certain the drive was changing to the new course, I wrestled myself from the flight harness and tossed my struggling body to the floor behind the seat. It was only a few feet along the narrow passage, but it felt like it took forever, yet passed in the blink of an eye. I nearly didn’t have the strength to roll myself into the stasis capsule installed in theFuturefor exactly this contingency.
The pod booted automatically, the lid closing over my head. I had to disengage my helmet manually and press the waiting electrodes to my throat. I managed, but barely. As the stasis drugs filled the chamber and dragged me under, my last thoughts were of my father. Of how sorry I was for not saying goodbye better, not listening to his advice more. Most of all, I was sad that I would probably never see him again. The look—proud but teary—he’d given me right before boarding theFuturewould forever linger in my mind. That’s if I even made it back to Earth. Perhaps we were both dying at the same time: him of old age years later on Earth, and me right now, but moving weirdly through time and space, so years later too, somehow.
At least I got to go to space. I got to see my dream come true; how many people could say that?
Chapter 1
Levant
This was a miserable place to be. With a hiss of frustration, I lowered the multi-tool back down onto my workbench and considered my options. Continuing with this project meant adding another thing to my pile of already mounting supplies to haul back once my exile was lifted. Then again, I’d only been here a few months, and it wasn’t very likely my exile would be lifted soon. Not until I came up with answers—and so far I had absolutely nothing.
My fingers twitched, and curiosity got the better of me. Picking up the tool again, I leaned in close and studied my most recent find. It was just a small machine, but it had six legs and a tail, along with a body that reminded me a bit of the Vakarsa of the plains. Except this one was miniature. Tiny. It also reminded me of the Revenant creature that Corin had restored and kept as a companion and protector for his mate. His robotic creature had been the talk of nearly every Shaman circle I’d been part of.
Well, if I couldn’t have my own human, perhaps I could have a Revenant friend for company. I had to do something or I’d go completely stir-crazy. Unlike many of my Shaman brothers and sisters, I was not very good at being alone. I’d been assigned to the desert-dwelling Serqethos Clan for years and lived right on the edge of their village. They were the only Clan for miles and miles, so that had made sense. Most other Shaman, like my friend Artek, lived alone on the border between several Clans.
I’d always been grateful my life wasn’t like that, until the humans had arrived. Seeing the lengths to which Cosima had gone for her mate, Zsekhet, had been eye-opening. Iwaslonely, even living with a very enlightened, friendly, and party-loving Clan like the Serqethos. My nights were lonely, and truthfully my days often were too, but having a devoted human mate like Zsekhet would change all that.
