"Was it?"
"Yes." The word comes out too quickly.
"Then why are you so upset that he's not listening to you?"
"Because ..." The words catch in my throat. I stare down at my wine, watching the dark liquid swirl in the glass.
"Because you care about him," Collette adds.
I look up at her, her expression is knowing but not judgmental. Just my sister, seeing right through me like she always does.
"Lettie, I can't ..." My voice cracks. "I can't care about him. Not like that. He's my brothers' teammate. It's completely inappropriate and ..."
"It's okay. Things are complicated between the two of you right now. But it won't always be like that."
"You think?" I ask, sounding hopeful.
"Yes. Look, obviously that night in London together was incredible. You've both been thinking about it ever since. But you never actually thought you would see each other again. So, you probably put that night in a box in your head. May have even blown it up into something more than it was. Romanticized it even. And then boom. You run into each other again. But this time you are six degrees of separation. Not only that, but you are also now neighbors and colleagues." Maybe she's right. "You both have all this pent-up tension between you, and it's not justsexual. You both don't know how to deal with seeing each other again."
This is true. "So, what do I do?"
Collette leans back against the couch. "You figure out what you want. Not what you think you should want."
I give her a look. That doesn't help me at all.
"What do you want?" she asks.
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do."
And she's right. I do know. I just don't want to admit it. "It doesn't matter. Nothing can ever happen."
"Nothing's impossible. Just complicated." Collette refills both our glasses. "Stop pretending there's nothing there. All this resistance is just making you both miserable."
"I'm not miserable." She raises an eyebrow. "I'm confused, not miserable."
"Give yourself permission to feel whatever you're feeling. You don't have to act on it. Just stop beating yourself up for caring about him."
Maybe she's right. Yes, nothing can happen between us. But what has happened isn't the end of the world either. I just can't let anything else happen between us. I have a job to do, so does he. We can maintain a professional relationship, but we can also have a friendship. It might take time but we could get there. He's friends with my brothers. We are neighbors. It's not like I can get away from him.
I lean my head on her shoulder. "When did you get so smart?"
"I'm not. I'm just good at observing other people's disasters." She yawns. "I'm going to bed. It's been a long night."
"Night, Lettie."
"Night. Get some sleep and stop beating yourself up."
She's right. I down the last of my wine.
Tomorrow, a new Jo.
23
EMMETT
Iwake up angry. I'm going to be a grump all day today. The shoulder aches, a dull, constant ache. A reminder of why I'm not playing on Friday. I grab my phone from the nightstand, it’s nine A.M. The guys will be gathering at the facility in an hour, training as normal while I'm skating in the neon vest of shame. It's the vest that lets your teammates know that you're injured and to go easy on you. I throw off the covers and head to the shower. The hot water does nothing to ease the tension in my shoulders. The good one or the bad. I test the injured shoulder under the spray, rotating it slowly. I wince. It still hurts, it's still tight. I pout like a toddler.
