I look over at Christian, and he looks like he’s shitting bricks as much as I am.
“Are you good?” I ask him.
“It’s not the first time I’ve married her,” he jokes.
“First one you remember, though,” I shoot back, making him laugh.
“I can’t wait to marry her again, D, happiest day of my life.” He grins.
The music starts and we all turn to the back of the room where there are two massive wooden doors. One by one, the bridesmaids walk down the aisle. Then Vanessa appears and she looks a vision. As soon as Christian sees her, he loses it, which sets me off, but I’m the bloody minister and I can’t cry. Vanessa looks like she is freaking out as she walks down the aisle, so I give her two thumbs up, which makes her smile. She continues down the aisle, her father handing her off to Christian, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so wide.
I launch into my welcome speech, welcoming everyone here and the people who couldn’t make it from both sides of the family.
“The bride and groom have elected to say their own vows,” I announce to everyone.
“I, Christian, take you, Vanessa, to be my lawfully wedded wife. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you. I promise not to look at the credit card bills when there’s a Louboutin sale. I promise to cook dinner for you every night. I promise to always leave the toilet seat down and make sure there’s enough toilet paper available. I promise to do manly things like chop wood to fulfill your unhealthy lumberjack fantasies. I promise to give you foot massages twice a week.”
“Six times,” Vanessa teases.
“Five.”
The congregation giggles.
“Four, and that’s my final offer.” Vanessa smirks.
Christian rolls his eyes. “Fine, I promise to give you foot massages four times a week. I promise to love you in sickness and in health. I promise to love you when you’re as big as a whale with our babies inside you. I promise to be a vault when it comes to your secrets and anyone else’s.”
“Ness, no sharing from the vault,” I tell her with a wink. Except for me because I need to know everything.
“I promise to take you on regular dates, even when we have kids. I promise to still grab your ass when we’re old and gray. But most of all, I promise to be the best husband you’ll ever have.” Aw. That was beautiful. “Oh, and yeah, I promise to love you forever, nearly forgot that. That one is kind of important,” he says, making us all laugh. Then Christian leans over and kisses Vanessa’s cheek.
“Hey, not yet,” I tell him. “Vanessa, it’s your turn.” I look over at Ness. She looks so nervous, and I watch as she tries to steady those nerves.
“I, Vanessa, take you, Christian, as my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to never let go, even when there are manic fans around. They may be little, but they are strong, but I promise no matter what, I won’t let you go. I promise I’ll attempt to cook dinner once a week.”
“Four times,” Christian chuckles, starting his own negotiations.
“Two times.”
“Sold,” Christian agrees quickly because we all know how much she hates cooking, which makes everyone laugh.
“I promise to let you watch football in peace and not try to distract you in some kind of way that usually works.”
“Don’t you dare stop doing that, woman,” Christian declares.
“I promise that I’ll stay healthy for you. I promise that I will believe you when you tell me that man flu is worse than anything else in the world, and I promise to attempt to make you chicken soup just like your mum.” Vanessa looks over at Christian’s mum, and she gives her a thumbs up. Christian must ask for Mama Taylor’s chicken soup when he’s sick. Aw, that’s cute. “I promise not to work as much, even though technically, you’re the boss and set my hours,” she teases.
“Fine, you’re fired,” he whispers, which makes Vanessa glare at him. “Fine, but you need to cut back those hours.” He relents.
“I promise to hide any new purchases from you and pretend that they have always been in my wardrobe. I promise to love, honor, and obey you sometimes. But most of all, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” Vanessa reaches out and swipes a tear from Christian’s face.
Then they look up at me expectantly. Oh, right, that’s me.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Christian’s face lights up, and you can see he has been dying to do this all day as he grabs her face and kisses her. “I love you, Ness,” he mumbles against her lips before launching into a NSFW kiss, which makes everyone cheer.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Christian Taylor,” I declare excitedly. I did it.
