“I love you too, D. Look, just because I don’t think Chance deserves you doesn’t mean I won’t support you if you two sort it out. Just know, I’ll always be side-eyeing him.”
“You think I’m stupid for hanging onto hope that he might get his act together.”
“Do you really need me to answer that?” She smiles sadly. “Look. I can’t talk, I hooked up with Christian last night, and I know stupidly I will again because sometimes your brain isn’t rational when it comes to dick.”
“Amen to that, sister.”
“Tell Chance about what you saw last night and then what you did. Be honest with your feelings, then make a decision on your relationship after that. I just hate seeing my friend in pain.”
“I can say the same thing about you.”
“We are two peas in a fucked-up pod.” She giggles.
“Wouldn’t want to be in any other pod,” I tell her.
Put my big girl panties on and texted Chance to ask him to come over today. Nessa said she was going to stay at Sienna’s house for the night and give her a break while also giving me one. Now I’ve stress cleaned the house twice while I wait for Chance to come over.
The doorbell rings and anxiety riddles me as I walk over to the door, opening it and seeing his smiling face is like a dagger to the heart.
“Hey,” I answer sadly.
Instantly, the smile is wiped off his face. “D, is everything okay?”
“Come in, I think we need to talk,” I say. He doesn’t question me as he silently walks into my home and takes a seat on the sofa.
“You’re worrying me, D. What’s going on?”
I suck in a deep breath. “I saw you last night,” I tell him. Chance stiffens as his brows pull together. I can see the lies he is trying to cultivate to tell me, wondering what exactly it is I know. “I got my membership to The Paradise Club last night and took the girls to check it out.”
His face falls. “Fuck, D, I can explain.”
I shake my head. “Don’t lie to me. Please. I saw what I saw.”
Tears well in Chance’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. I … you shouldn’t have seen that.”
He says I shouldn’t have seen that, not he shouldn’t have done that, I pick up on that. “Was it the first time?”
“Yes,” he bites out quickly, but I just glare at him until he starts to wilt under my gaze. “No,” he says, hanging his head in shame. “I’ve only been hooking up with women there, I promise, D. No men.” As if that makes it all okay.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want to lose you. I don’t know how to explain that I want you, yet I also crave women,” he confesses. “I thought I could just go there and watch, but the temptation was too much, and I fell into my old ways.”
“Am I not enough?”
“You are, D …” he says, grabbing my hands between his own.
“Sounds like there’s a but coming with that answer.”
“But I desire women too.”
“And that’s fine, but don’t pursue me too. That’s not fair,” I tell him.
“I know it’s not fair, but I love you, D, and I don’t want to let you go.”
Oh shit.
“Fuck. That wasn’t how I wanted to tell you,” he says, raking his hand through his hair. “I realized that the reason I can’t keep away from you is because I love you. You are buried so deep beneath my skin I can’t let you go.”
