He shrugs. “I hurt you, D. I don’t deserve your kindness.”
“Don’t talk like that. Was my heart a little wounded? Yes, but it still has room in there for you as a friend. That will never change. You’re not a bad person, Chance, but I do believe you have demons you need to slay,” I tell him honestly, as I know from Blake’s messages that Chance isn’t happy about rehab.
“You think I need to go to rehab, don’t you?”
I nod. “It might be good to talk to people.”
“And what if I can’t talk to them?” he whispers.
“Then we will help you. You have so many people rooting for you, Chance.” I need him to know he is loved and not alone in this, and he has a support system he can trust because I don’t think Chance can trust a lot of people in his life.
“Guess thirty days isn’t a long time,” he grumbles. “Does anyone else know?”
“You mean the media?” I ask. He nods. “Yes. People have images of you, but don’t worry, PR is looking after it. They were able to say it was an allergic reaction, and it did look more like that than anything else. So, choose your allergy, whatever you hate the most in the world, and we will tell everyone, and you will never be around it again.”
Relief falls across his face. “If only I could be allergic to a person and never have them around me ever again.”
“Who? Say the word, and Jackson will make sure they will never harm you again,” I tell him seriously.
He scoffs. “It’s not that easy. Tell them I have a peach allergy, I hate peaches.”
“You can talk to me. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your bandmates, you can always call, text, or come over. I’ll always be there.”
“Wish I could have been stronger to tell the world you were mine,” he whispers.
“Hey, don’t think about that. It’s all in the past,” I reassure him.
“You think maybe one day, you might consider giving me a second chance?” he asks.
“Do you want that? Being out?” Chance sits there in silence, and it’s all the answer I need. He’s not ready to come out. This is his journey, not mine, and obviously something traumatic has happened in his past that is paralyzing him from being who he truly wants to be. “It’s okay to not be ready.”
“Thanks for coming, D, but I’m feeling wiped out,” Chance says, dismissing me. I’ve crossed a line that he isn’t comfortable with and has put an end to this conversation.
“Of course. Look after yourself, and if you need anything let me know,” I tell him as I walk out of his room.
38
DERRICK
Ithought this year would be different, but it ended up going to custard. Chance left for rehab straight after I left the hospital, which I am proud of him for, but I wish we hadn’t ended on awkwardness. Axel and Olivia were on cloud nine together until she got the devastating call that her father had been rushed to the hospital in Scotland, and they rushed to be by his side. Unfortunately, Axel came home by himself, devastated, and disappeared up to Big Bear. He was rushing to talk about what happened between them, but it was easy to work out that Olivia chose her family over him. Then, to add salt to the wound, we got invitations to Olivia’s wedding. Like hell we would be supporting that farce of a wedding, so we all declined. My loyalty is with Axel regarding this. Guess we should thank Olivia for giving him so much inspiration, as he has been writing his little heart out in the mountains and creating songs for the Sons of Brooklyn and Gypsy Sisters. Chance came out of rehab refreshed and, from all reports, a new man. I messaged him to congratulate him on the feat, and he told me he feels great and that we should catch up soon, but then I never heard from him again. I’m giving him his space. With all the new music Axel has been producing for them,Sons of Brooklyn has decided to try a small tour with the Gypsy Sisters to ease Chance back into rock star life.
Sienna and Vanessa are traveling well with their pregnancies, and their men are highly protective of them, which is sweet, but utterly frustrating for the women.
Isla is living her best life in Paris, judging by her photos. She keeps messaging me photos of hot guys around France, tempting me to come over. She is making a sound case if I do say so.
Oscar and Stacey are doing well living and working together. The Viking seems to have mellowed, which is cute to see.
Finn, on the other hand, has lost his mind and is fucking every woman he can in New York. I told him he doesn’t deserve Isla with the way he is acting, and he did tell me to get fucked, so there’s that. He can dig his own grave when it comes to Isla, and I’m glad she isn’t here to witness it firsthand, that she’s only getting the CliffsNotes versions via the media.
I caught up with Parker recently and we went partying in WeHo together. He is such great fun, and his Italian stallion friend happened to be in town too, and I took him for a ride. I’ve been losing myself at The Paradise Club. My stress level has been through the roof, my business is taking off, and I’m getting more celebrities interested in working with me. We’ve had to hire more staff, I now have my own dedicated Derrick Jones Styling team, little old me. I’m happy, even though I’m stressed. My life is taking off in the direction I’ve always wanted, except I’m missing someone to share it with. Now don’t get me wrong, The Paradise Club keeps me busy, so busy, and satisfied, but, and I can’t believe I am saying this, it’s just sex.I know shoot me now.Sex is great. Fantastic. Phenomenal. My dick is satisfied and constantly hungry, but my heart … I have everything I’ve ever wanted in my life, but when I come home my house is empty, and yes, I could get a dog or a cat and maybe I’ll consider that, but I wish I had someone there waiting for me with a glass ofwine and open ears to listen to me go on about my day. Look, I know I am a lot to handle. Sometimes I can’t handle myself, and I worry there isn’t anyone else who’s willing to put up with me. Don’t worry, I would never change for a man, been there, done that. I’m happy with who I am, but I am also human and don’t want to live this fabulous life alone.Are you really going to find Prince Charming at a sex club?Yes, there are flaws in my plans, I see that, but one can hope.
Derrick: Good luck, Princess.
I send Olivia a message while I’m at home drinking alone. She is getting married tomorrow, and I wish I were there celebrating her special day,not to that fuck face, I’d never support that,but if she were marrying anyone else, I would be there for her. I look at my phone and realize someone else is probably not having a good night as I dial his number.
“Hey, Ax.”
“Hey, D, what’s up?”
