I hate that she’s right.
That night, Riley drags me to a holiday market downtown.
“You need to get out of your head,” she insists. “And I need to Christmas shop. Two birds, one stone.”
The market is exactly what you’d expect. Twinkling lights strung between vendor tents. The smell of hot cocoa and roasted chestnuts. People laughing, shopping, and being festive. I hate it. Not really, but you know.
“Stop scowling,” Riley says, pulling me toward a tent selling handmade ornaments. “You’re going to scare small children.”
“Good. They shouldn’t be out this late anyway.”
“It’s 6 P.M.”
“Exactly. Past their bedtime.” I pout.
She rolls her eyes and starts browsing ornaments. I stand there, hands shoved in my pockets, trying not to think about how much Jax would love this. How he’d probably buy ornaments for his grandmother and tease me about being the Grinch, and make everything feel warm and right.
“Oh my god.” Riley gasps. “Look at this.”
She holds up an ornament. A tiny log cabin with snow on the roof and warm lights in the windows. My chest tightens.
“It’s perfect for you,” she says. “For your first Christmas in your new place. Wherever that is.”
“I don’t have a new place,” I remind her.
“Not yet. But you will.” She buys it despite my protests and hands it to me. “Merry early Christmas. For when you finally grow a pair and go after what you want.”
I stare at the ornament in my hand. At the little cabin that looks so much like the one where everything changed.
“I’m terrified,” I admit as tears start to fall down my cheeks.
“I know,” she says, placing a reassuring arm around my shoulders.
“What if I’m wrong about Jax?”
“Then you make a different choice next time. But, Sloane, not choosing is still a choice. And right now, you’re choosing to stay stuck.”
December 15th.
The new Christmas movie premieres. I know because it’s everywhere. On every streaming service. Every commercial. Every social media post.
Snowbound Hearts
A woman gets stuck in a cabin during a storm. Falls for her rescuer. They have a whirlwind romance. It’s predictable and cheesy and exactly the kind of movie I usually love. I can’t watch it. It hits too close to him.
Riley finds me staring at the trailer on my laptop, frozen.
“You want to watch it?” she asks carefully.
“No.”
“Liar.” She smirks.
“I can’t.” My voice breaks. “I can’t watch it and not think about him and how I’m too much of a coward to do anything about how I feel.”
“Do something about it then. This limbo doesn’t help anything. And honestly, I want Sloane back. This version sucks as a best friend,” Riley states. I glare at her. I know I’ve been difficult during this.
“What do you want me to do?”
