I didn’t know. Nothing made sense. I wasn’t in the hospital, but I wasn’t in the future either. Maybe I really had died. The concept that this was some waiting station, testing me to see whether I was going up or down, grew on me.
“Am I dead?” I asked.
Alex made a note in his notebook. “What makes you think you’ve died, Quinn?”
I turned my attention to the TV, but Alex must have turned it off. “I’m in a loop.”
Alex nodded. “Tell me all about it. I am here to help you.”
He wasn’t. If he were, he would have already answered my questions. But one of us had to give, and if he put me here, he already knew. I opened my mouth and started talking.
The bright lights buzzed under the soft sound of “Let it Go” from Disney’sFrozen, playing on a small TV in the corner of my hospital room. My heart rate monitor steadily beeped…
The loop vanished before it ended and always began with the words “Let it Go.” I’d woken up maybe twenty times now, and I spent all of them talking to Alex, who gave the appearance of being another piece of my loop but wasn’t. He knew I knew, but for some reason, he kept up the game.
I’d torn through the five stages of grief like a feral toddler in a toy aisle, and all that remained was an emotional husk holding onto two facts: I didn’t have magic… but I didn’t believe I was back in my time either.
I took a deep breath.
It could be worse. I could be in pain. The voices trying to break me could be back. Or, if whoever pulled the strings controlled my senses, then this could all be a hellscape. But I wasn’t getting any of that. Alex asked me why over and over, like a child desperate to understand something their brain couldn’t comprehend. It was mentally exhausting.
“What if I’m in a different dimension?” I asked Alex.
Alex raised an eyebrow and wrote in his notebook. “What makes you believe in multiple realities?”
I put my hands in the air. “Um, because magic is real, so why not?”
“So, your premise is: because magic exists, it justifies every possible existence. Do you not find that belief disturbingly close to religion?”
I hadn’t thought that deeply about my answer. I’d been trying to make a point. I hadn’t believed in magic, yet I found myself stuck in some weird loop after being questionably orgasmed by an actual mage who used magic to fight his dad, who was also his grandfather.
Anything was possible at this point.
However, Alex had gone deep, like off the deep end deep, and I wanted to know why. “What else would magic be other than a religion?” I asked as if that had been exactly what I was saying.
For the first time, Alex scowled. “Magic’s not a religion. It’s not a god steering our lives, and it doesn’t justify anything. It’s a limited tool.”
Right. So, we were done pretending this was the past. Alex had magic but felt it was a limited tool, although it seemed pretty unlimited to me.
I cocked my head to the side and twirled my hair. “Where does the stuff I put in my pocket-void go?”
Alex clicked his pen three times. “Your magic creates a vacuum between what is and what could be. Your ‘stuff’ exists inside your potential. It’s not another dimension. Magic has limitations, a lot of them.”
The last of my concerns about being trapped back in my time vanished.
When I tried to break my collar, pain had split my head right before my vision turned the same color as Alex’s eyes. He was a mentalist, one who unleashed his power inside my head and stole my memories. It was the only explanation that fit.
“I am, but I didn’t steal anything; just looked.” Alex smiled softly. “Your memories are so different and so sad.”
A chill ran down my back. Despite my hospital gown and blankets, I suddenly felt bare. I wrapped my arms around myself and rocked.
“I just wanted to understand you. I’ve never connected with an item I made before.” He reached out and placed his fingers on my neck, but they didn’t touch my skin.
I was suddenly very aware of the collar, even though I still hadn’t reached up to feel it.
“I’ve never really connected with anyone except your friend.” He smiled. “But that was so short, and when he left, they changed everything.” He pulled his fingers back and cupped his cheek. “I’ve been so lonely.”
‘Breathe, Quinn. I’m here. We’re doing everything we can.’Ezra’s voice was so faint, but it was real. I wasn’t imagining it.
