I eyed the soggy cereal she was attempting to shovel into her mouth, made almost impossible by the adult-sized gloves she was wearing.Most of the milk and cornflakes ended up on the table and floor, much to Orange’s delight.At least I wouldn’t have to clean it up.
After everything blew up yesterday, I’d spent the rest of the night panicking.I had now made up about 2,867 scenarios for what could happen.And none of them ended with me keeping the kids.
Thanks to my stress cleaning, the small apartment was now so spotless, we could eat off any surface.Maybe not the floor anymore since Orange had licked about half of it.
Elana was sitting on the couch, humming to herself while dressing her dolls.Addy finished with her cereal and opened the pantry door.Calling the cupboard we stored our food in a pantry was generous, the three shelves not providing much room.But since I was broke, there was never a lot of food that we didn’t use up right away, so it worked for us.
“Are you still hungry?”
Addy nodded, and Elana stopped humming.“Addy didn’t eat while we were on vacation.And Daddy yelled at her.”
I stopped pulling out the bread and turned to face my eldest.It had been odd that she’d asked for seconds at dinner last night, since she didn’t usually eat much.But I’d figured she was just in a growing phase.“Why didn’t you eat, ladybug?Weren’t you hungry?”
Her bottom lip trembled, and then she burst into tears.I dropped the bread on the counter and kneeled down.She threw herself against me, and I closed my arms around her tightly.Once she calmed down, I leaned back so I could look at her.Her face was red, her cheeks wet.“What happened?”
Addy shook her head, but Elana had joined us and answered for her.“Tammy doesn’t like cooked food.Only fruit and vegetables.”
Oh shit.Addy didn’t eat anything crunchy.She couldn’t handle the sound.“But why didn’t she give you something else to eat?”
“She said we’re a family and all need to eat the same thing.”
A terrible thought shot into my head.“Addy, did you eat anything at all while you were away?”
“Jorge gave her muesli bars.”
“Who’s Jorge?”
Elana brushed her doll’s hair, leaning against me.“Our butler.But he said we can’t tell or he’ll get into trouble.”
Great.Now my kids were also encouraged to keep secrets.I guess we had to have the secrets talk.“Okay, girls.Now, I know that this was probably a good secret to keep, but there are some secrets that you shouldn’t keep at all.Do you know what they are?”
Both girls shook their heads, eyes big.
I shifted to a cross-legged position since my knees were killing me in a crouch.Addy shifted onto my lap so she was sitting on one leg, and Elana moved to the other one.“A good secret to keep is if you’re getting someone a present for their birthday and don’t want them to know because it’s a surprise.It makes you feel good inside.Excited.”I paused, making sure they were still listening.“And a bad secret is something that makes you feel bad inside.It’s the same feeling you get when you’re doing something that’s not allowed.It could be when you take a chocolate bar after I told you no and then you don’t tell me and keep it a secret.”
Elana stopped brushing her doll’s hair and looked at me.“I licked Orange.And Winston.I kept it a secret because I know I’m not allowed to do it.”
“Okay.Yup.That’s a secret you should probably share.And can we agree not to lick our pets anymore?”
Elana nodded and went back to brushing.
Addy had stopped crying, leaning the side of her head against my shoulder.“I didn’t flush the toilet last night even though I said I did.”
Well, that I knew about because I did it for her.“That’s not a good secret either.Thanks for telling me.”
I tipped her head up so she was looking at me.“It’s not okay to only eat muesli bars for a week.I’m going to have a chat with your dad about the food.”
Both girls spoke over each other, telling me I didn’t need to, and my alarm bells were ringing again.“And now I think you’re keeping another secret.”
I studied their faces, and my suspicion was confirmed when they couldn’t meet my eyes.“What else happened?”
When nobody spoke, I hugged them again.“You know you can tell me, right?I’ll always make sure to look out for you.”
Elana—as was to be expected—was the first to speak.“Tammy said we have to call her Mommy, and that she’s our mommy now and that we’re going to be living with her from now on.”Tears wet her cheeks.“But I don’t want to live with her.I want to live with you.”
“I want you to live with me as well.”
My voice broke on the last word.
