She solved the problem by pushing the flowers at me.
Adjusting Elana, I clutched the bunch with my fingertips.The silver necklace with a small ballerina pendant I’d bought paled in comparison to the extravagant presents she’d received.I’d thought it was cute when I saw it, but now it felt cheap.
Unfortunately, Cockalorum joined us, his arm snaking around the walking accessory.I wasn’t jealous of the open show of affection he’d always shied away from when we were together.I was disappointed in myself that I didn’t recognize all the obvious signs that something had been wrong for the majority of that time.
I’d been so caught up in the idea of us that I’d ignored the reality.
Never again.
My dream had always been to have a big family.I hadn’t had an issue dropping out of college to raise kids.But despite all the mistakes I’d made—and there were plenty—a small part of me had still hoped for the happily ever after.
“We have dinner reservations,” Cockalorum announced, then turned with the walking accessory tucked against him.“See you on the weekend, kids.”
Addy leaned into me, resting her head on her sister’s back.
Squeezing my girls—and the flowers—I nodded at the exit.“Let’s get ice cream.”
Their responding cheers rang through the still-crowded entry.
Elana wiggled to get down, suddenly wide awake.“I want bubblegum.”
Addy took my hand.“Can I have mint chocolate chip?”
“Let’s put all this in the car and walk down to Tito’s.”
“Mrs.Porter?”
“Yes, this is she.”
“Hold the line for Mr.Moore.”
There was a click, and then my lawyer’s deep voice came on the line.
“Your ex-husband agreed to pay tuition since he doesn’t want the kids to go to a public school.For now, it’s only for Addy, but when Elana goes next year, he’ll cover her tuition as well.”
I sputtered into the phone, dropping the clothes I’d been folding in the process.“I asked you to finalize the divorce, not renegotiate.I think I have been pretty clear in what I wanted.”
“And I’m the best at what I do, which means there is no way I’ll let my client walk away with nothing.”
Cold sweat formed a line down my back, and I was suddenly lightheaded.“And as I told you before, I’m not walking away with nothing.I have the kids.They’re all I want.”
What if Cockalorum thought that if he paid tuition, it would give him more access to the girls?Or what if he thought it might be easier to go for full custody after all?Or what if he used this as proof that I couldn’t take care of the girls since I’d be unable to pay the school fees?And the uniforms were expensive as well.Something I no doubt had to pay for with money I didn’t have.
“It’s a done deal.We’re preparing the papers now, so no need to get angry.”
“It wasn’t your place to talk to them again.”My voice sounded raspy.“I know you wouldn’t understand this, but I can’t afford for the girls to go to a private school.The uniforms are almost as much as tuition, especially with the speed the girls seem to grow at the moment.Not to mention the extracurriculars.I don’t have money for a musical instrument, or fencing gear, or whatever else they’ll decide the kids have to participate in for the school year.They even talked about introducing polo.On horses.What do they expect me to do?Buy a blasted horse?”I took a shaky breath.“And then there’s the time all moms need to dedicate to baking some nut-free, gluten-free, dairy-free tasteless brick of a cake for all the bake sales they’re holding because they want to add more plants to the hallways, or pay for the bus so the kids can go skiing.Which, in theory, is a great idea, but then I have to pay for accommodation and fees at the ski resort.Because even though the trips aren’t mandatory, my kids would be the only ones to miss out.So you tell me how this was in my favor.”I took another deep breath and swallowed the sand that seemed to be stuck in my throat.“And don’t you dare go back and renegotiate.I need this divorce to be over.And I need my lawyer to listen to me, not go off and do something to make himself look good because he always wins.This can go into your books as a win.Your client is happy with what you have achieved.At least she was until you ran off and did your own thing.”
I sank down onto the couch where I’d been folding clothes, right on top of Elana’s tutu.
“I thought I acted in my client’s best interest.I apologize if that wasn’t the case.”
“It’s not about getting what you think I should.It’s about surviving.And all I have left are the kids.I don’t want to drag them through a divorce battle that lasts years.The scars it would leave would stay with them forever.”
“I understand.But—”
“The fact that there’s a ‘but’ means youdon’tunderstand.And that’s fine.I get it.You’re a successful lawyer who would never let anyone walk all over them.But you also don’t have two little people depending on you to make good decisions.They will always be the two most important things in my life.Now, I have some clothes to fold, and I’m sure you have better things to do than talk to me.Enjoy your evening, Mr.Moore.”
I didn’t wait for his response and hung up.He struck me as someone who liked to have the last word, so hanging up on him gave me a petty satisfaction.And I didn’t have it in me right now to continue the conversation.So instead of worrying about what his thoughtless actions might mean for the girls and me, I returned to cleaning up the house while they were busy watching TV in the other room.
