“You can’t tell Thad, but I pay the neighbor’s kid fifty bucks each week to wash my car.”
We were on to the sharing part of the night.This always happened when we caught up and no little ears were around.Everything that had been weighing on us was put out into the open.It was more expensive than therapy since it was always accompanied by copious amounts of food and drinks, but it was equally, if not more, successful.And usually we met up at one another’s houses since we could rarely line up babysitters at the same time.I realized how much I’d missed going out to a place that wasn’t one of our houses and not having to listen out for the kids.
Linny laughed, taking another sip of her soda water.“Why would you not just ask Thad?”
“We had a disagreement about what roles men and women should take on in the household.I was making a big deal about having to clean the house.He said he’d be happy to do it.And then I somehow said I’d wash the cars each week.But I hate it.So I secretly pay Dale to do it every Saturday morning when Thad is at the gym.”
Keely finished her drink, signaling the waiter for another.“I can guarantee he knows but hasn’t said anything.”
Malena bit the inside of her cheek, nodding.“I know.Guess I’ll have to suck it up and actually wash the damn cars.”
We all laughed, but Linny was the one to speak up next.“Or you could tell him you hate it and swap chores again.”
Keely waved her drink in front of her, and we all watched with wide eyes as the liquid sloshed back and forth.“Why are you doing chores anyway?You can afford a housekeeper.”
Malena narrowed her eyes, nose scrunched.“No way.I want to clean my own house.”
“Yet you chose to get into an argument about it and now have to do a chore you abhor.One that Thad doesn’t mind doing, I might add.”
She downed the rest of her juice, glaring at Keely.“Shut up.I hate it when you make sense.”
“Now, let’s move on to Mae.She’s been awfully quiet all night.What are you going to share today, buttercup?”
“I call Hank ‘Cockalorum’ in my head and his fiancée ‘the walking accessory.’Or ‘human bling.’And I don’t miss him at all, since our marriage has been over for years, but I refused to accept it until it affected the kids.Which finally made me ask for a divorce.Only he’d already been planning on moving in with his child bride, so our separation was only a matter of time.”
I slapped a hand to my mouth, shocked by the words that had come out.Bad lemon drops.
After a moment of stunned silence, everyone hooted with laughter.
Malena was the first to find her voice again.“I always thought you were being way too nice about the whole thing.Good to know you’re human after all.”
I blinked, then finished my drink.“I can’t believe I just said that.I’m such a bad person.”
Keely leaned forward, ready to impart her drunk wisdom.“You are the best person in the whole wide world.No offense to anyone present.You’re all awesome, or I wouldn’t be friends with you.But Mae is so good it makes me sick sometimes.”She turned to face me, leaning close enough that I could smell the lemon on her breath.“You care about others.You would give anyone the shirt off your back.Having bad thoughts about that toad is totally normal.Healthy even.I’d be worried if you weren’t.”
“I don’t like this side of me.”
Linny slapped the table, gaining our attention and that of most of the people around us.“Nobody can be good all the time.Now, that being said, I agree with Keely.You’re the best person anyone could wish for in a friend.For God’s sake, you hold an umbrella over your dog when it’s raining so he can go out to pee without getting wet.”
“Orange hates the rain,” I defended myself.
Keely rolled her eyes.“He’s a dog.”
“He’s part of the family.”
Knowing there was no winning that particular argument, I threw up my hands and switched to water.The food was starting to look slightly blurry.“Whatever.Let’s move on to you, Keely.Anything you want to share with the class?”
“I’m dating a guy who likes it when I call him Daddy.As in, he doesn’t even want me to use his name.I don’t know how I feel about it yet.So I’m going with it for now.”
Again, silence, then hooting laughter.
“Nothing wrong with that.I say good for you, trying something different,” Malena said, still chuckling.
After that, we ordered dessert.When my eyes were drooping and I rested my head on Linny’s shoulder, we called it a night.
Dinner had been amazing, and the lemon drops had made my body feel pleasantly warm and my head fuzzy.I had a dopey smile on my face, feeling happier than I had in a long time.
My pleasant state only lasted halfway through our walk out of the restaurant.I stopped without warning, causing Malena and Keely to run into me.If there was ever a chance I’d commit murder, it would be tonight.
