I wanted to pummel this power-hungry guy. I pressed my hands firmly into my temples. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I screeched. “This is insanity.” I turned around and reached toward my backseat.
“Stop!” he yelled. And I jumped.
“Turn around slowly and keep your hands where I can see them. Don’t you dare move a muscle unless I direct you to do so! Understand?”
I held up my hands. “Sorry, I only wanted to grab my raincoat.”
“Why do you need a coat? It’s not raining, and it is eighty-seven degrees out.” He craned his head toward my backseat. Did he think I looked like the type to be hiding an Uzi next to my spare umbrella and spin shoes?
I huffed. “Fine.” I closed my eyes for a split-second as I mentally scolded myself for being foolish enough to participate in my office’s shenanigans today. I braced myself for his reaction and hated that he had the power to make me feel embarrassed.
I opened the door slowly, and the tall, broad-shouldered policeman let out a belly laugh as soon as he took a gander at my outfit. I let my guard down for a second and smiled, too.
He regained his composure quickly enough. “I thought you said you were coming home from work after a long, hard day.” He arched an eyebrow. His eyes scanned me slowly from top to bottom, then tilted his head toward my legs. “It looks to me like you just rolled out of bed or something.”
I forced a smile as I looked down at my flannel pajama bottoms, which featured cats wearing top hats and multi-color bow ties. “Yes, I am coming home from work. I told you I’d been there since the crack of dawn. We also worked last night until the wee hours of the morning. The staff wanted to be comfortable. Can you blame them? They begged to be able to work in pajamas today, and we agreed. I had to join them. For office morale. All of management did.” I glanced away from him. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“I’m sure it did.” He offered me the faintest of smiles. Then he pointed his hand toward my right thigh. “I guess you managed to have a mishap too?”
I instantly placed my hands on top of the gigantic stain. “Yeah. Stupid, cheap paper plates. Every time I tried to take a bite of my dinner tonight, someone had a question or needed me to do something for them. By the time I finally had a chance to eat, my General Tso’s chicken was ice-cold and the saturating sauce wore a hole through the plate. Practically the entire dish landed right on my lap.” I sighed.Why did I feel the need to tell him all this?
“Well, that’s a shame.” He laughed again. “I understand the situation better now. You are tired and hungry. No wonder you seem to have a little road rage.”
I clenched my jaw. I wanted to show him the full extent of my fury, but instead, I said, “While this chitter-chatter is lovely, I’m sure you have better things to do than make small talk with the likes of me. And I, for one, want to get home to bed. So, please. Can we get this show on the road? What do you want me to do?”
3
I promisedmyself I’d muster all of my self-restraint and behave myself. Unfortunately, I couldn’t quite follow through with my plan.
The stern policeman escorted me to the edge of the shopping center, where the sidewalk met the road. Shockingly, he didn’t have to take out his nightstick.
He made me stand in place counting to twenty-five out loud before he gave me the green light to begin my stroll. As I reached the designated stopping point, underneath the movie theater sign, a dairy truck approached. The driver honked his horn three times and waved at me. Rather than return the greeting with a hand gesture, I leaped into the air and did a perfect cheerleader toe touch jump.
“I still got it,” I said to myself.
“Was that really necessary?” Mr. Self-important asked.
I smirked. “Is any of this? Clearly, I passed your stupid test with flying colors, like we both knew I would. I’ve been a good sport, but enough is enough already. Find yourself a real outlaw to harass. I’m going home now. Have a good night.” I spun on my heels and began to walk briskly back to my car.
“Hold up,” he called out.
I stopped and turned around, eyes glaring. Despite him towering over my five-foot-seven frame, I wasn’t about to let him think he could intimidate me. I marched back and stood inches away from him. “What now, Officer Ennis? Do you want me to drop my pajama pants and pee in a cup so you can test me for drugs, too?”
“Your sarcasm isn’t necessary,” he said quietly.
“Nothing about this experience has been necessary. I have no idea what your problem is, but I do know that I’m finished feeding your ego. I’ve done everything you asked. You’ve detained me for”—I glanced at my watch and rounded up—“almost an hour without just cause. I should have called 911 and reported you for—”
“I’m sorry you feel this way, Ms. Ensworth, but I am doing my job. I’ve been tasked with trying to keep society safe, and I take my role extremely seriously. Driving while drowsy is dangerous too. You admitted earlier you were exhausted. Do you need me to follow you home? Make sure you get there safely?”
As if!
“No.” I gave him a curt nod. “Contrary to your beliefs, I am not a menace to mankind.”
“It’s upsetting when people can’t accept their faults and always try to place blame on others, don’t you think?”
“Whatever.” I spun around in a circle with my arms held high. “Where are the cameras? Seriously, someone must be filming this for a reality television show or something because you can’t be real.”
“Oh, but I am.” He reached into his pocket and handed me a piece of paper.
