“Yes, he would,” she said quietly. “But he also knows this was a mistake. And he knows we all regret what happened and are working our tushes off to put safeguards in place to prevent anything like this from occurring again.”
“Yeah. We all sure learned a lot in the last few days.”
“Yes. Each one of us is going to be smarter and more careful now. And, let’s face it, there is plenty of fault to go around. Charles is a smart man. He knows he’d lose more than fifty-five thousand dollars in the end if we were all to leave the company.”
I knew she had a point, but it didn’t make me feel any better. Unlike Sydney, who had spent hours on end huddled up with him in his office every day this week, I’d barely said more than five words to our boss. “It’s so strange. I keep waiting for him to blow his top, but Charles hasn’t said anything more to me about what happened.”
I hated to admit it, but my self-worth was tied to my professional success. The joy and pride I felt when I did good for the firm managed to fill all the empty spaces in my heart. The thought of how my actions contributed to hurting the company and disappointing Charles was more than I could handle.
I will never forget when he hired me. I was still green, and I never expected him to have given me a chance at running the entire department. But he fooled me. He took me under his wing and became my mentor.
Ivowed a long time ago, I would give this job my all to make him proud, which I did. Until now. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I hurt and let down Charles. The anguish I felt was almost more than I could handle. It was like reliving the pain I felt when I saw the disappointment in Dad’s eyes when I nearly flunked out of college. In some ways, I didn’t need a good psychotherapist to tell me I viewed my boss as a substitutefather figure.
I exhaled deeply. “Oh, Sydney. I don’t know if I can get past this. I feel like such a failure. I’ve given everything I’ve got to this place. I’ve made my careermy life. If I lose it, I will have nothing left.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She reached across her desk for my hands. “You’ll always have me.”
“Yeah, thanks, I know.” I sighed.
“Gee, you don’t have to sound so grateful.”
“Sorry, you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. “But I hope you can get it through your thick skull there are other people who care about you too.”
I forced a smile. “I do. My mom loves me, but she has to. It’s in her job description.”
“I’m not talking about her. And I think you know who I mean.”
Do I?
22
Sydney didn’t haveto elaborate on her theory, but of course, she did anyway. She placed her elbows on her desk and peered into my eyes. “Have you called Pete to thank him for putting you in touch with the inspector?”
I fiddled with the gold chain around my neck. “No, not yet. I’ve been busy. Didn’t you thank him during one of your many meetings?”
After the first awkward encounter, Sydney agreed to deal exclusively with Pete, and I fielded Sanchez’s questions.
“Yes, but I’m not your messenger girl,” she spat.
“Why are you getting so hot under the collar?”
“Because I’ve probably spent more time this week with the guy than I have with my husband and daughter.”
“I’m sorry,” I said feeling relief mixed with a pang of jealousy. I reached for a pad of paper and a pen and began to doodle.
“Don’t apologize. I know, given everything it would have been awkward for you to work so closely with him. Despite your attempts to pretend otherwise, I know you were never able to get him fully out of your mind.”
“You’re wrong,” I said.
“No, I’m not. But unlike you, I’m not afraid to admit it. I was too quick to judge him.”
“Oh, and now who is easily swayed by a little kindness?”
“Don’t even go there,” she warned. “Maybe you’d feel differently if you weren’t too chicken to return his calls.”
I had never mentioned Pete had called and texted me several times since Monday afternoon. What else had they discussed?
