Rhett was hearing everything, all the things I never wanted him to know. I had been on a path of self-destruction. It wasn’t a time in my life I was proud of, but nevertheless it made me who I was today.
I was stronger for it. The experiences shaped me and showed me the person I never wanted to be again. The more Anna’s lawyers dredged up, the sicker I felt. The car I totaled when I didn’t even have a license yet? Yep, they brought that up. The lipstick I stole just after I dropped out of school? Yep, they brought that up too.
It didn’t seem to matter to anyone that Anna abandoned us. That she was a neglectful mom who didn’t give two shits about anyone but herself. All that mattered was that there was proof about every time I screwed up and the worst we could dig up on Anna was her rehab stints. Which according to her lawyers meant she was intent on improving her life. Apparently the last stint also had a lasting effect and she was now clean.
“I think I’ve heard enough. If you would wait outside I’ll be making my decision shortly,” the Judge interrupted another ode to Anna’s goodness. Barf, I seriously couldn’t listen to that crap anymore. They made her look like a saint who fell on hard times and never really wanted to take drugs. What a bunch of crockshit.
We all went outside and waited in the hall. Anna stayed at the other end, a smart move on her part. Oma was ready to lay into her, back to muttering in German. I didn’t even try to understand what she was saying, my mind a quivering mess, and not in a good way. I was scared. There was a good chance that Josie would have to go home with Anna. Someone she didn’t even know.
“Hungry, Mimi,” Josie said and tugged on my sleeve.
“I’ll get you some lunch soon, okay,Spatz? We’ll just have to wait for the Judge to talk to us first.”
I dug through my bag and found a granola bar. “How about a snack for now?” I held it out to a nodding Josie, her hair flying every which way with the movement. I opened the packet for her and she took it eagerly.
Rhett was standing next to me, not touching me like he usually did. He hadn’t said a word since we’d come out, his mind elsewhere, his gaze fixed on Anna.
I was too scared to make the first move, so instead I sat down with Josie on my lap. The Judge took his time but after twenty minutes his door finally opened again.
“If you’d come back in,” he said and left the door open.
We all piled in, filling out the room to its capacity again. Once everyone was seated, he began. And I nearly lost my meager breakfast right then and there.
“When I spoke to Josephine, she clearly stated she wanted to stay with Emmerson McAllister. Initially I agreed with this as it seemed like the logical solution.”
Anna huffed but shut up as soon as her lawyer shot her a look. The Judge ignored her and went on. “However, after Ms McAllister’s past came to light, I have to question my initial assessment. We all want what’s best for the child. And with this in mind, I will grant joint custody to both McAllisters.”
Both Anna and I started talking at the same time, not happy with the outcome at all, “You can’t do that.”
“That’s not in the best interest of the child,” my lawyer put in.
The Judge put up his hands and we both settled down. “You will each have Josephine for one week and then swap. This arrangement will last for three months and then we will meet again and re-evaluate. Now, before you start yelling, keep in mind that there is a child present. We are all trying to do the best thing for her. Since Ms. Emmerson McAllister has had Josie for the past six months, she will go with Mrs. Anna McAllister today.”
My heart sank, and I wanted to cry. How could this be happening? Why was I such a mess when I was younger? This could have been prevented, and I only had myself to blame. I couldn’t look at anyone, my head too heavy to lift, my gaze studying my hands. Hands that were nervously twisting my skirt, part of the suit I’d put on for today.
We all got up, the mood solemn, nobody saying a word. We stopped outside the courthouse and Anna extended her hand to Josie. “Let’s go.” She didn’t even look at Josie who was hiding behind me.
“She needs her stuff,” I said. If Anna cared at all, she’d know this. And she would give us time to make this easier on Josie and not just drag her away.
“I know this,” she said, her voice condescending, her face looking smug with satisfaction.
“I’ll bring her to your house,” I suggested. At least then I would know that there wasn’t anyone hanging around the place.
“Fine. Don’t be long or I’ll have to call the court.”
God, she was a bitch. If I ever thought there was any redemption to be had for her it was gone with her better-than-thou attitude and selfish actions.
We picked up Josie’s stuff, and I tried to explain to her that she would be back in no time. It was an adventure she was going on. And it would be fun. I only hoped Anna could keep her shit together for a week. She had never been able to in the past.
Dropping Josie off was one of the hardest things I had ever done. She was crying, clinging to me and begging me not to leave her. Rhett drove us, watching the whole scene with a stony look on his face. He still hadn’t said a word.
“I’ll be back in a week,Spatz,” I said in between tears, trying to hold it together to not make this any harder on her. Anna stood in the open door, watching it all with a disinterested expression on her face. When Josie refused to let go, she stepped up and pulled at the back of her dress. “Let’s go. I don’t have all day,” she hissed and dragged Josie inside. I waved to her and watched with a heavy heart as the door shut in my face.
I didn’t move, didn’t talk, just stood there looking at the closed door. I could still hear Josie crying, her little voice getting shriller and shriller.
“Let’s go, babe. There is nothing we can do right now.” Rhett was there, encasing me in his arms and leading me back to his car. I knew there was nothing I could do but I didn’t want to leave. What would happen to Josie? I prayed Anna would at least feed her. She was too little to take care of herself.
Rhett took my hand when we were in the car, holding it the whole drive home, his thumb moving in lazy circles. The tears wouldn’t stop, the whole situation too much. Rhett helped me out of the car and into the house where Oma and Freddie were waiting anxiously. One look at my face and they advanced on me and hugged me, not letting go until I finally had myself under control.
