“Are you dead?”
This was uttered in a stage whisper by Freddie. It was Saturday morning after I had survived two days as Rhett’s doormat. I refused to stay in the apartment another night and drove back late Friday.
I hated the arrangement and wished it was done. Only three more years to go. I didn’t want to stay in the apartment ever again and risk running into Rhett and his fiancée, Violet, whose name I found out after some more online stalking. Screw him and screw his perfect-looking fiancée. Her size zero body and annoyingly shiny black hair were mocking me in every photo I scrolled through. Of course she was also tall, had perfect teeth and skin. They could go and have their perfect babies in a land far, far away.
I was jumpy and irritable all day Friday. There were no more arguments with Rhett since I decided to stop caring. If he wanted me to type up a list of compatible programs even though I had no idea what those programs were, I pretended to do it. Right after I sent a desperate message to Claire who was all too willing to help. The girl needed a pay raise after doing all my work for the past two days.
Whenever Rhett asked me a question, I made up answers, sick of having to tell him time and time again that I wasn’t a programmer and had no idea what he was talking about. The only one who seemed to have warmed up to me slightly was Lexie, of all people. When she found me staring at the copy machine, she didn’t turn on her heels like she had done the day before, much to both our surprise. Instead, she helped me figure out how to make bound copies of the blasted report Rhett wanted on his desk, like yesterday. We bonded over our mutual distaste of paper jams andThe Notebook.
She even brought me coffee later during the day when I was trying to look busy. “You have no idea what you’re supposed to do, do you?” she asked when she caught me reading my horoscope on a small window on my computer screen and handed me the paper cup.
“Nope. And I don’t intend on figuring it out either.”
She grinned, the action transforming her face from stern secretary to girl next door. “Fair enough. As long as you don’t mess up my files, I won’t tell.” She winked at me, and I gave her a thumbs up. I left at five on the dot, not telling Rhett I was leaving since I knew he’d have some ridiculous task for me to complete. It was quite clear that he didn’t need me there. He could direct all his questions to our office. At least he would get someone qualified to sort it out. But if he insisted on wasting his money and my precious time, then so be it.
Which brought me to creepy Freddie, who was now blowing at my ear to get me off the couch where I’d passed out after getting in last night. I swatted at her, but she was too quick for my sluggish movements.
“Go away. I’m sleeping,” I said, my voice muffled by the pillow my head was currently buried in.
“It’s ten in the morning. You never sleep this long. Are you sick?”
I shot up off the couch, bowling Freddie over and landing on top of her with a loud grunt. “Forking no. I was supposed to be at the football field giving out those ridiculous hats for the neighborhood watch.” They nominated me for this weekend even though I told them numerous times that I couldn’t do it. The meetings were a waste of my time, and I tried to skip as many as I could, but for every one I missed they assigned some ridiculous task to me. This time it was selling hats to raise money. The hats were the worst idea the committee had ever had. They looked absolutely hideous. But since I tried not to show up to meetings, I wasn’t there when they voted on it.
I jumped up and ignored Freddie’s cursing, too busy trying not to trip on my pants that I was trying to take off while walking to the shower. “Find my keys. Make coffee. Where is my bag? I’ll give you ten bucks if you can do all that by the time I get out of the shower.”
Freddie stopped cursing and crossed her arms. “Make it fifteen and you got a deal.”
“Fifteen it is,” I called out and stepped under the cold spray of water. It took at least ten minutes for the water to heat up. Ten minutes I didn’t have. I suppressed the shiver and quickly soaped myself up. No time to wash my hair so I braided it instead. I was sort of dry and wearing clothes when I emerged from the bathroom. Freddie was ready, holding out my bag, keys and a travel mug.
“Thank you, pumpkin.”
“Don’t call me that,” she grumbled and handed everything over.
I kissed her cheek and rushed out the door. “See you at the game.”
“Highly unlikely,” she called out.
I grinned and put the car into gear, praying the neighborhood committee wasn’t thinking up possible punishments for not being there on time. I was only an hour late. The game didn’t start for another two hours. How long could the set up really take? I was careful not to go over the speed limit despite every cell in my body telling me to just step on it. But Silas, our local Sheriff, was determined to win the next election. One of the things on his list was the reduction of speeding. The whole town was peppered with speed cameras and rookie cops thanks to his overzealousness.
Pain in my ass was what it was.
I made it into the stadium and spotted the table where I was supposed to be. There were boxes stacked on each side, but nothing had been set up yet. Instead, Zelda and Craig were busy arguing. I bet it was about the color of the annual street party banner.
“I told you green is a color that signifies serenity and peace. Why would you mess with a good thing?”
And jackpot. I was getting good at this. Also helped that they had the same argument every year.
“We had green last year. We can’t recycle old banners. We need a new one.”
“I’m not having a pink banner Zelda. The end.”
“But have you looked at-”
As soon as I got within earshot, their heads swiveled around like lemmings and they focused their anger at me.
“Where have you been, young lady?” Zelda said, her stare disapproving, her arms crossed, her foot impatiently tapping the floor.
She wasn’t even thirty yet. I didn’t know where she got the idea that she could treat me like a child. It was infuriating. Instead of arguing, I ignored her and put my bag down, still clutching my coffee. I needed to be awake to deal with her brand of annoying.
